Last Snow Day Ramblings

Interesting. Very interesting.

I've been trapped in the house for at least 2 days. Today is day 3 and it seems I could really get out if need be but I'm kind of comfortable. However, I do need to run an errand for Monday's all waited "smoothie day". 

I just signed up for a virtual race because I love the shirt. www.runwithjess.com has nice contest and races.  Her Valentine's proceeds benefit St. Jude. Admirable. I should set up a virtual race for YHOA. Seems easy. I'll look into it. Maybe set something up for September which is suicide awareness month. 

My first race for the year is coming up February 13. The Hot Chocolate race. I'll just use it for Jess' race credit as well. Perfect timing. 

My long runs for this year thus far are The RNR Nashville in April and the RNR Savannah in November. Savannah will be my first full marathon! EEEEK! Pretty ballsy of me! My goal is to lose 20 lbs by then and decrease my half time to 2:30. 

I haven't heard from Chris all day. Not sure what's going on with him. Not going to speculate. Just going to wait it out and keep myself busy. 

Started reading this book I obtained from a Kwanzaa event in Nashville this year. Job Instruction For Survival and Serendipity by C. BeAird-Gaines Its a quick pros and cons read. One page gives a negative case scenario you may be dealing with at work. The next page gives a positive spin on looking at the situation. And the third page gives you survival and serendipitous truth. Eye-opening, encouraging, and gut- checking read. I like it. Can't wait to finish it and pass it on. Wonder would my little girl appreciate such a gift? Not quit sure she's ready. Maybe a few years from now when she's done playing run and go get it with the kids. 

New Day New Start

This past weekend was spent in the house, under the covers, tossing and turning in front of the TV. My main objective was to make it to the bathroom in a timely fashion.  I had some sort of stomach virus.  Me and the bathroom became quite friendly over the 2 day weekend. Once I went to bed Friday night, I did not leave the house until work day Monday morning. This is not my idea of a typical weekend.  And heaven's to bid the weather was just BEAUTIFUL! Whoa is me! 

Eventually as I mustard enough strength to get out of bed and dressed for work, (blessing count 1)I made it to work with only 20 or so minutes of make of time.  They will get there 7.5 out of me no doubt at some point in time. My hours are always over the mundane 37.5 so I'm not worried and thankfully neither is my supervisors nor coworkers.  Blessed the Lord ( blessing count 2). 

I was very fortunate to have someone who cares enough to diagnose my symptoms and run home to care for me as soon as possible (blessing count 3). This new guy has met his match and certainly surpassed his time in the trail and error phase. I think he's definitely a keeper. Hope he feels the same way about me. 

Started the morning off filtering questions for my boss's boss's boss. Followed by a trace the rabbit and confront the confusion email assignment request. Read and signed a new Employee Code of Ethics, seems like someone is covering their butts in case anyone wants to join in the #BlackLivesMatter protest. (Blessing 4) is my ability to do what needs to be done and my skills to tackle tough issues and crisis management. I work well under pressure, so well that this seems to bother people because I seem so unfazed. I hold this characteristic in high regard no matter how it makes others feel. It should make them feel confident and secure that I will take care of what needs to be managed in any given circumstance. 

In reading today's blog by Marc and Angel I've come to realize that I am pretty spectacular and I have a lot to be thankful for and many more reasons to keep pushing on with who I am, where I'm going, and what I need to do. Today is a good day and I'm grateful for it. 

My Little Rant

Feeling a little beside myself today as usual and guess what, that gives me the urge to write. HA!. If only I could have that urge when I'm feeling perfect and everything is right the world. Those times come when I'm running without music and it's just me, my feet, and the Lord. Things seem to always come up so eloquently while I'm running. That's the best part of my running experience and why I like running with a group but running solo. It's not that I start out wanting to run solo, but I'm so slow, I seem to end up by myself most days, if not in the middle, I'm bringing up the rear. Once, I did have a most beautiful race and training session. It happened while running 12 miles!. I wish I knew for sure what I did that week to make that session so wonderful. I was full of energy. I wasn't tired, winded, or lollygagging around. I seem  to do so much better when I train with Fleet Feet, stick to their training calender, and do what I'm supposed to do mentally, physically, and nutritionally. It's only $89 and it's worth every penny. I have the  calenders and I should be able to rework them for any race I"m doing throughout the year, however, for some reason, I'm not as disciplined without Fleet Feet.

Just typing this random rant makes me feel a lot better. I can refocus and get back to work. Thanks for listening. I didn't really mean to talk about running, but as I started typing, that's what came out. Guess that's what's on the forefront or subconscious of my mind rather I want it to be or not.

Hell Cometh

Could you imagine being a child and your mother sent you and your siblings to a foreign country by yourself with no other familiar face on the other side? Your circumstances in your own country are so bad that they risk you being kidnapped, tortured, abused, etc. for the sake of the unknown in a place you do not speak the language. What goes through a child’s mind in that situation?
As a citizen never to have known the kinds of struggle my own ancestors went through to make it possible for me to do what I do, let alone fathom what these refugees/immigrants are going through just to get to a country that once tortured anyone unlike them just for the color of their skin is hard to grasp. The fact that so many people are trying to come to a country that was stolen from those who were already here, steal individuals from another country and enslave them to work the land  so that they in their selfish pity might live a better life is a little mesmerizing. Today we have a decedent of those slaves leading the “free” country yet as he leads all the ugliness that ruled and developed the country centuries ago slowly festers and grows to a boil daily. It’s so bad that the robbers, murderers, thieves, bigots, bastards, self-righteous cowards literally refuse to work with the one and only man who was legally and rightfully elected to do the job. They so busy coming up with reasons not to support him that they are ignoring reasons why they were put in office in the first place.
On that note, all hell is breaking lose all over the world. Ebola virus is rampant. Can you truly believe that? There is a strong possibility that this virus could spread across continents. Can you even fathom what the Word says in Deuteronomy actually coming to fruition? Our children are doing stupid tricks like setting themselves on fire, stopping oxygen to their brain, and videotaping fights for praise and wonderment.  The case of depression, mass murder, and suicide seem to be increasing. Our vets aren’t getting the help they need and seem to be continually punished for being a vet. No work, little income, no proper medical assistance, mental instability, disability, etc. Preachers and ministers are being accepted regardless of their escapades against or with children and same sex partners.  More Bible defined sins are becoming the acceptable norm. Truth is screwed and unknown.

Weight loss Journey Day 9

Today is hard because my job is boring. I’m doing repetitive mundane work. It’s hard because I didn’t prepare my food and I’m already bored with the meal plan. If I stick with it 3 more weeks I should be down almost 30 pounds! UGGGGH Keep pushing! 

Nightmare on No sleep Street

Last night was not a great night. I could not fall asleep. I’m sure part of the reason had to do with the un-watched videos I was trying to glance through before the clock stuck 12 but alas, it chimed and chimed and then died long before I came to my last film. In fact I did not finish the videos because I was too sleepy and I really wanted to get up the next morning and go to the gym. I slept off and on until about 7:30am before I decided to force myself out of bed/off the couch. 

I decided to skip the fat burning pills this morning because 1) I was too sleepy and there’s no way I was exerting too much energy. I hate mornings! I thought I loved them meaning I don’t mind speaking …after coffee J but now I know, I am NOT a morning person!

I also skipped the pills because I did not do a full-fledged workout this morning, I didn't really know the rules on taking a pill before and after a workout. All that really made since to me was to take one 5 hours after the first one. I think even though I didn't work out I was supposed to take one with breakfast. I didn't eat breakfast until 9 a.m. when I got to work. Yes, I was 30 min last like yesterday.  I’m only doing a twine class this evening so today could be considered a rest day, although I may stop by the gym to do a couple of weight machines.  I have to get my money’s worth out of this gym this month. I need to go at least no less than 21 days.  

There’s still time. I just re-read the instructions. I can take the 2^nd pill 5 hours before my evening work out and the 1^st for breakfast.  So maybe I’ll just do that one for today since I've skipped the gym this morning. That way I can cut down and still get the benefits.

I’m wondering if the pills had any effect on my sleeping last night. I was pretty wired. 

My weight loss journey part 1,001

Yep, 1,001, that’s about how many times and then some I have attempted to lose weight. I only have 60 pounds I’m trying to get rid of but my discipline is jacked! I have never been a very consistent and dedicated person. Not in my personal life, love life, social, career, anything. I constantly want something else. I’ll do something for a while and I’ll go until I complete it but I’m not really all there 100% after a while. This weight loss thing is no different. This time I’m paying for it. I purchased a meal plan, I signed up and paid for boot camp, and I have another booklet on how to lose weight, lift weights, and eat the right foods at the right times. In addition I also still have my regular gym membership and my run group. It’s do or die this go round. I am extremely tired of this belly, these thighs, and humongous bat wings.

The newest addition to my journey is purchasing a meal plan.  I paid over $200 last time for a trainer at my gym but there was no meal plan. The trainer pretty much sucked and I saw no progress. This time my boot camp 1 month membership was under $100. I’ve seen her results on others and I totally believe I can do it with her help. I attended her boot camp earlier this year and it was great. I lost weight because along with my evening running, I slimmed down. I just couldn’t afford to pay every month and getting up at 3:30 – 4am was not my cup of tea.  It was torcher. Morning workouts are what activate your metabolism and give you energy for the day. I could do the same with my gym and get my ace outta bed at 4:30 to get a 5-6am workout but that’s a lonely train ride and not very successful on my part. I have no problem keeping my evening running program and I could workout in the evening but so does everyone else, I have other things going on, and I don’t want to miss my run group.

My purpose of writing this entry is to talk about the supplements I am taking this go round.  I’ve never taken anything outside of a multivitamin before.  I hate taking pills or any kind of medicine/herbs and I don’t really believe in them. Unless you have a medical condition, I believe it’s an unnatural process to have to take something to help you lose weight, maintain energy, etc.  I really think eating the right foods is the best way to go but…I’m fat. I have a lot of body fat to loose so there for I need a little help, so it seems.  This is what I’m taking Cellucor Super HD 

 It’s supposed to accelerate the fat burning process. This is one of the 3 GNC items I’ve been recommended and I just want to document my reactions since I’m new to this whole supplement thing. 1. Clammy hands. My hands and feet are usually always cold but I just realized my hands haven’t been cold in a while. Today, my first day taking Cellucor I noticed my hands are clammy.

2. Extra salvia. My throat is normally dry from dehydration I guess so having extra lubrication is a weird change.

3. Runny nose. Not the point of needing to blow but there is slight mucus. I’ve been off dairy for a few months now, due to my plant-based detox experience I no longer even like yogurt or want cheese.

4. Slight burning sensation in the nose area. Not very noticeable but it’s a change.

5. Warm skin.

6. Jittery but only slightly. I noticed my hands are shacking a little.

7. Energy. Now this is great. Not sure if it’s a result of the workout or Cellucor.

This morning’s dosage was taken after my workout when it was suggested I take it before. Not sure if that makes a difference or not. My next dosage is to be taken 5 hours after the first. I’m kind of leery of taking It but I will and monitor my reactions. I have a 3 miler this evening with my girls. I’ll be praying, gulping water, and paying attention to my body.

Alright, it’s time for meal two. I’m kind of not hungry and it’s really almost time for lunch. I’ll have to eat earlier tomorrow so I can keep in light with my work lunch schedule plus I need to perfect my get timeliness with getting to the gym, showering, and getting to work.

2^nd Dosage:

Just when my body was back to normal I guess, it was time for the 2^nd pill. Hands immediately got back cold. However, the other reactions are not there, at least not yet. It’s only been about 30 min.  I like the energy I feel. I hope It maintains for my run this evening. Still haven’t taken my vitamin. I’ll do that tonight. The pill is helping my water intake because I’m afraid not to guzzle as suggested. I’m on 48 working my way to a gallon a day hopefully by Friday.  Gotta time it out and focus, be intentional with my drinking. 

It’s been 2 hours since my 2^nd pill. All those feelings I had with the first are back plus I’m sneezing. I guess its working. I’ll research and document later. I definitely feel energetic. My body wants to run but it normally does in the middle of the day. I’m ready for 6 O’clock!  

Snake Dream

I should have wrote this down when I had the dream. I was chasing the snake trapping him from hurting others. This is the 2nd time my cousins from back home have been in the dream. I have not seen or talked to them in decades. The youngest one was in the dream. I forget who else was in the dream, but I was the hero. In the dream its as if I was video taping the incident like one of those POV videos.  I saw me with hand out stretched capturing the snake as it were nothing. I was not afraid of it. It had fangs. It hissed at me.

Wait, let me back up, the snake came from the toilet. I was on the toilet looked down and this brown snake with fangs came up at me. LOL! Yeah, I was taking a shit. So the "brown" snake is shit! LOL I have no idea what that means. Now, it did not transform from one to the other. It was just there like one of those movies, snakes coming out of the toilet.

So once the snake came out the toilet somehow it went from coming at me and started chasing my family or whomever was in the house. I was the one running after it trying to capture it and throw it out. Why didn't I try to kill it? I don't know. I grabbed it, had it folded like it was an electric cord. It's head was till free and I just threw it out in the yard/wilderness or so I thought.  I didn't throw it far enough and of course it kept coming back. I woke up. End of dream.

Now on to interpretation.

What's going on in my life: 
Work: Lots of additional responsibilities. Taken over a lot of my supervisor's responsibilities. Tons of work overdue and tons of immediate deadlines. Overwhelmed yes, but I like the excitement.
Love: We're okay, but could be better. I want to travel, buy a house possibly or at least rent a house or townhouse. I'd also like him to be more attentive emotionally and definitely romantic and surprising.
Health: I'm in good shape. No health issues. Loosing weight. Could use more discipline in my eating habits and definitely need to increase my strength training.
Social: My new friends are great. I could use a little more charisma and outgoing spirit but I am who I am.

Noooow let me see if I can interpret this dream.

Rev Curtis Black Series in Order

Here's the order of all 10 titles: 

1. CASTING THE FIRST STONE

2. TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

3. THE BEST-KEPT SECRET 

4. LOVE & LIES 

5. SIN NO MORE 

6. THE BEST OF EVERYTHING

7. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR

8. LOVE, HONOR, and BETRAY

9. THE REVEREND'S WIFE

10. A HOUSE DIVIDED!

Earn the Right to Be a Leader

Reading morning devotions from The Word For You Today. I am so enjoying this daily reading. The discussions seem so timely for me right now, divine order. Thank you to my book club for giving me this book last month.

Today's word focuses on "Earning The Right To Lead". To earn this right, you must listen and follow God's Word, be fully prepared to take on the responsibilities and pressures of new and greater leadership, and of course count the cost and rather or not the investment or sacrifice is worth time away from your family and friends. Don't forget your faith. Continue to keep God first and do everything in order and in line with the will of God. As you climb the corporate ladder you take on the risk of continually decreasing time with the Lord, your family, your friends, and even yourself. Don't loose sight of those things that got you there, the things that made it possible for you to progress.

My time on the job has brought me from day to day boredom to not enough time in the day to do all I have on my to do list. I've taken over my supervisor's responsibilities, been thrown in the fire head first to back track and catch up on projects dangling in the wind, and learned so much along the way. People ask am I going to get the promotion or labeling me the next in line. This is not how it works in state government for one and two, I am not qualified to hold the director's position. My data manipulation skills are not advanced enough to manage such a task.

However, I am handling the current responsibilities every well.  I believe God is preparing me for the next level, and this has been great training for my tenacity, patience, attitude, and overall relationship skills. I'm willing to dive in and move from behind the scenes which have been my safe ground for over 10 years. I'm willing to make the most of what God has gifted me to do. Today's lesson has reassured me that I need to focus on the current "training" plan, absorb all that comes my way and file it for future reference, build relationships, and smile. God loves you and I'm open to receive that love. You should be too. Step out of your comfort zone, take the initiative, allow God to promote you, train you, and lead you through the fire and to greater blessings.

"If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously." Romans 12:8

Something great happened to me today – Counting the Blessings

1.      Me and baby cakes got up early and went to a new spot for breakfast. I LOVED IT! All Smiles.  I love trying new spots.  I use this app called Yelp which lets you check in everywhere you go, critic your experience, and share with the world.  They host events for new locations and post new businesses for people to try.  Red Bicycle Coffee and Crepes was on the list of new businesses and it’s only like 5 min from my job. You know I had to go see what it’s all about. Number one, I love crepes.  I’ve made some before and they were fabulous.  I haven’t made them for boo thang yet, but I will.  I have now become a coffee addict.  I love the boutique coffee experience more than anything.  I tried Crème and I’m in love with their Cuban style express, or is it a latte? I don’t know.  I just know I love it and I need it sometimes. So this new place Red Bicycle Coffee and Crepes is the cutest spot.  It’s located in Germantown. I totally love this neighborhood; wish I could afford to live there. It would make a great morning run spot. We ate in and left in time for both of us to get to work on time. Love! I had the Wake Up Crepe which included eggs, turkey, onions, cheese, and mushrooms. It was very filling.  I needed some hot sauce though.  I need that boost of flavor.  The hot sauce they had available was some type of Asian stuff that did nothing for me. It was more sweet than hot.  My boo had the Florentine which was stuffed with eggs, spinach, cheese, and mushrooms. He added turkey.  They were both tasty.  The lattes were great as well. Boyfriend forgot he didn’t like the creaminess of lattes but enjoyed it otherwise.  He got the Nutty Latte which was hazel nut and almond. I chose the latte of the day which was almond joy and coconut.  I thought there was a third syrup but I can’t remember what it was.  Either way I tasted none of the sweetness I thought I would. Nonetheless I enjoyed the experience and would certainly go again, this time for lunch or small dinner.  Yes, crepes for dinner.  They have just about any and everything you want to try. And you can make your own.  I have to come back and try a dessert crepe. Life is good this A.M. J

We spent $25 on breakfast this morning. That’s way too much. 

2.      My boo gave me money for parking this morning. J He take care of me. So glad when I don’t have to talk down the hill or wait on that shuttle.  The only down part about working downtown for the state is the parking situation. We have free parking but it’s about 10 min away from the building.  There’s no getting to work just on time and walking in the building.  If you are running late add another 10-15 min to that. Also at least 3 days a week I’m bringing my duffel bag full of run clothes to the job.  So that’s my purse, lunch bag, sometimes I may have a work bag, and duffel bag.  That’s a hassle trying to lug all that up the hill on the shuttle or just walking. Some days are ok; other days are a big inconvenience.  I love the days when I only have to bring my purse to work.  Those are my easy breezy days.  

3.      Finally got the official word that my program coordinator has been approved and her start date is Monday, March 11. Woosha! This is kinda scary. I’m actually going to be responsible for someone else’s paycheck, time, leave, work, and progress. Hope I do a great job. Hope I’m a good supervisor. Hope I’m not too standoffish. Hope I’m not overbearing. Hope I’m qualified. Hope I measure up. Hope I’m competent. Confidence. Courage. Stamina. Personality. Attitude. On your mark. Get set. Go.

4.      Free lunch today at TPAC and Vandy’s Inside Out the Lunchbox presentation today. Love free lunches. Today we learned about the background happenings of putting on a production. They talked about the lights, equipment, set-up, take down, etc. The whole 9 yards. It’s a lot of work. Very interesting. 

Daily blog random thoughts moments of lows and highs

Feeling like a failure Lord. Feeling like a failure. Feeling like I’m an outcast once again. Why? How? Perspective? Quilt? Insecurity? Confusion.

Really. People want to dish out their attitude on me but when I give it right back to them they get offended. Please! Really!

I want my Trefoils right about now.

~’He saw the best in me. He’s mine and I am his. It doesn't matter what I did. He only sees me for who I am.” ~

Whenever you’re feeling down it’s wise to talk with someone. You can either talk to them about what’s bothering you or you can just have a general conversation and forget about what it is that’s bothering you.  This will give you strength to think things over, consider outcomes, and create solutions.  Life is funny like that. If we talk about our issues to the right person or people they have a way of solving themselves and making you feel better about life in general.  If we keep it bottled up we harbor strong feelings of self-hate and resentment to those affected, ourselves, and even those who have nothing to do with the issue.  Talking through your situation is a reason to move on, create new space, new energy, love yourself, and make life a better way of living. Speak on it to those you trust.  Hire someone; seek therapy, art, exercise, love, companionship, etc. 

Hair advice I learned at the BGR! Conference 2012 from the author of K is for Kinky website/blog

1.      Never use a clarifying shampoo to wash hair weekly.  It will strip your hair down to the bone and cause breakage.

2.      Only use clarifying shampoo once a month or every 3 months if you have wax build-up.

3.      When shampooing use a sulfate-free and paraffin-free, or is that parabens, shampoo. L’Oreal has a new line called EverCreme Sulfate-free Moisture System.  The Cleansing Conditioner is a cleanser / moisturizer in one great for co-washing.

4.      Sofn’Free has a line called “Nothing But”, their Cleansing Conditioner is good as well according K is for Kinky.  

Nothing But has a very good website by the way, in my opinion. Haven’t used the products yet, but I think I will. So far I’m in love with As I Am but I’m so over the curl thing.  Its winter and I can’t wake up and wet my hair every morning to get it looking good and going to sleep at night with a wet head doesn’t really make things any better or simpler; this is why I love the press n’ curl.  It works great for my low maintenance-self.  However, the runner in me requires so much more.

5.      Always section and wash your hair.  It makes it easier to manage and you are more likely to get all the hair and scalp clean more thoroughly.

6.      Putting conditioner on your scalp cakes the scalp, film build up.

7.      K is for Kinky recommends Infusium23’s leave-in conditioner because it is water-based. She didn’t say which line, but I’m assuming the Frizz Controller Collection.    

However, in my notes she also turns around and says cream-based leave-in conditioners are best.  Now I’m confused. So which ones are cream-based? What kind of cream?  Do the ingredients actually say cream? Guess I’ll have to go back and check. I already knew I won’t be trying Infusium.  I’ve tried it before and didn’t really care for it, but everyone’s hair is different.  No matter what advice you get from what expert you always have to try different regimens and product mixtures on your own hair.  No two people are alike. These new “natural experts” are all the same, just letting you know what works did and did not work for them. God bless them.

 

8.      Last product plug was Cantu’s Curl Activator Cream. All of Cantu’s products are made with Shea Butter, and you know how black people love them some Shea Butter. K is for Kinky loves this product because it has glycerin which attracts water meaning moisture for your lovely locks.

I’m a little confused by notes on this one. I also have beside Cantu – water-based.  I’m not really sure if this means the product is water-based or if there was something else being said and I missed it because beside that I have “twist in look get…” but its crossed out so I don’t know what I’m missing here but if the product name as the term “cream” in it, I’m thinking it’s not water-based.

Regardless, I’ve tried Cantu products before and didn’t like them.  But that was before everyone else liked them. So maybe I used them incorrectly or used the wrong product.  I may or may not give this one another try. Truth be told, I’m so over the curl thing. Did I say that already?  

9.      Types of oils great and yummy for black hair: Honey, Almond oil, Shea butter, Coconut oil, EVOO, Jojoba, Argon, and Macadamia Nut oil. 

 MMMM I’m hungry just typing this. I’ve tried the coconut oil thing and that definitely did not work well for me. It was too gooey and just not fun at all. It didn’t even smell tantalizing. I have the Argon oil, no biggie. Honey? Not really sure how to work this in; would love to do almond oil. That just sounds wonderful. I have not tried pure EVOO on my hair. Thing I’ll look that one up since I keep in the kitchen and figure out how to use it safely for my hair, should be interesting.  And the Macadamia oil, wow! Now that just sounds delish!  

All this stuff seems pretty expensive just to maintain a “natural” look. [shaking my head] Black women go through way too much to be beautiful and comfortable in a natural state of mind.

Case of the Mondays

You know how it goes. It starts with getting out the bed. “Uggggh I don’t wanna go!”  It takes you extra long to drag yourself to the shower, find clothes to wear, and get out the door. I prolong it as much as possible.  The fact that I don’t have to take my boyfriend to work on Mondays helps with my feeling of not being rushed and responsible for anyone else. (I still need him to show me those earmuffs. His ass thinks he’s gotten away with it. Bullshit)

You know the normal attire for Monday, black. Not to be symbolic of going to a funeral because 1) you don’t really wear black to a funeral anymore, do you; and 2) that’s just not good karma.  I am very happy and blessed to have my job. I don’t want it to die and go away. My reason for black this morning and most mornings is I don’t feel like trying to be creative.  I have limited amount of slacks and decent shirts so I have to play Russian roulette and figure out what to wear most mornings.  Do it at night. Are you crazy?  Who does that?  I’m just not too sure about that one.  That’s like taking a bath at night so you don’t have to get wet in the morning and go out in the cold. I’m too old for that nonsense.  I need the shower to help get me going in the morning. Then I’m ready to figure out this clothes thing. If I were a stay at home mom wife life would be much easier.  Who started all this equal gender crap anyway?  He makes the money; me cook, clean, shop, and take care of the kids. That would drive me crazy too. So Scratch that.

Children aren’t in the cards for everyone. I’m closer now to wanting a child than I’ve been before but a huge part of me still has reservations.  Ninety percent of me don’t think I can handle the birthing part.  Me, a baby, a human inside, naaaah God got that one wrong.  Don’t think I’m emotionally stable for that one. What if my baby comes out with medical problems?  I’m already on edge.  It would be my entire fault and I’d feel so guilty about bringing a child into this world to face so much pain and turmoil. 

Back to work. Enough of the rigmarole back to work. 9:39am let’s get this party started. It’s a run day J

Sitting on the dock of the bay

I’m just sitting here at the Memphis Center for Independent Living waiting on my day to start.  I’m super early. I wanted to be sure I got to the location in time to meet with the interpreter, appropriately arrange the room, and just get set up and ready to go.  I was afraid the rush hour traffic was going to frighten me and throw me off schedule especially since I didn't know where I was going. I've never been here before.

I finally get a chance to get out the office and travel for work.  I’m conducting focus groups for the Vocational Rehabilitation Center for the federal government’s needs assessment requirement. This is going to be enlightening and fun. I enjoy meeting new people, even more so, I enjoy bridging the gaps between services, staff, and upper management policy makers.  It’s hard to do your job not knowing what the people up top are doing.  It’s also hard to do your job not fully knowing what they front-line staff is really going through.  It’s one thing to say you understand and empathize with them. It’s another to actually go through the day to day operations of hand to hand services.  I hope they receive me well and this discussion is an eye opening success.  I know they've probably done this before but I’m hoping to leave a good vibe with each interaction.

The office doesn't hope until 9am. Humph! My group STARTS at 9am. Who planned that? I did.  I automatically assumed business started at 8.  That way I would have time to mix and mingle, get set up, and ready for the day. Thank God for Starbucks and my own transportation.  I’m fortunate to have been able to drive myself to the location, find the location with the help of a good hometown friend, and calm my nerves. Also, think I’m a tad bit overdressed. Everyone is in jeans and tennis shoes. I’m in my cutie patootie size 14 not 16 suite. Yeah me!

As I sit and wait I’m browsing my Avon book dreaming up me and boo’s valentine celebration.  He desperately wants to go to the Belmont - TSU basketball game. Why, I don’t know but he is adamant about going, ON Valentine’s day! Oh well, whatever. V day does fall during the weekend. I’m not doing anything special.  We certainly aren't traveling L At least we’ll be doing something we both like.  I enjoy supporting my Alma mater. It’ll be cool. My personal plans are to fix him a sweetheart breakfast with either pancakes or heart shaped blueberry muffins, heart shaped eggs, and great tea or coffee.  This is where the Avon book comes in.  They have heat shaped kitchen items I’m totally feigning over.  I’m sure he’ll love it. Breakfast in bed! Now if I can come up with a cute gift. I’m thinking jewelry, a watch, necklace, bracelet, etc.  He’s been a good boy.

Its 8:30am more workers are starting to come in. Wish me luck! I love my new laptop and the ability to just pull it out and type away at will. No Wi-Fi, well no authorized access to Wi-Fi so that’s a good thing. Otherwise I’d get nothing done just browse the web.

How your day going and what is are your plans for Valentine’s Day boo or no boo? I’m thinking about getting my girls something, the kids in my life, Terrika, Mesha, Jameela, and Janyiah. 

Trying to get 100 cuz 99 and a half wont do

I’m trudging along on this blog for TCSW. No, they did not ask me to maintain it or even start it. It’s something I call myself doing to get people involved and excited about the upcoming conference.  No one read it. LOL. Guess I missed the point and purpose.  I really didn’t have time to get it out there and to the public.  I was hoping Terri would post a link to the State website, but she’s not much into updating the site.  She’s still seeking assistance with the basics.

I shouldn't put this out there, but at this moment, I’d rather be home reading “To Kill A Mockingbird” and/or sleeping.  I didn't read this book as a kid so I’m backtracking and reading it now. It is a very good book.  Haven’t figured out why it was banned at some point yet, but I have learned a great deal about simple enjoyment of life, sibling love, and friendship.  Scout and Jem take up a great deal for one another and their classmates.  They are very kind and patient so far.  They appreciate their neighbors, their family, and they tell the truth about most things.  “He’s a gentlemen just like me” -Jem. I hope young people are still encouraged to read this book and teachers have an open and honest discussion about the themes, relationships, and facts of life that this book portrays. Could you imagine being the person who wrote something as great as “To Kill A Mocking Bird”?

In other news, I’m having a really bad hair day, nothing new there.  This running is giving me the hair maintenance blues.  It fortifies yet another talent I dare not possess, hair styling. I am grateful for this head full of gorgeousness but doing anything short of a ponytail is about the length of my technical criteria.  Now that I’ve become active on a regular basis, keeping the shine popping and the fly-a-ways at bay are impossible to secure. Blow drying after each run is in my opinion ruining my hair.  My beautician recommended it and I like the immediate temporary results but in the long run isn’t heat styling your hair everyday a sin?

Thinking maybe I should go back to school. One class is free per semester.  One class should be easy to manage.  I need to learn this SPSS software.  I’ve been in this job going on 7 years.  It would have been wise of me to have taken an interest before now. Besides, what am I even doing with my certification in non-profit management?  I haven’t added much weight to the programs I’m working with let alone start my own or manage anyone else’s program. I’m sure it will come of use at some point.  In the meantime I’ll just keep practicing and doing whatever needs to be done to help out those I’m agreeing to help out.

My running is coming along fairly well.  I’m averaging a 13 (12:32 5k pace according to the calculator) min mile with hills these days with an average speed of 4.68, which I heard is ok because anything below 4.5 is considered walking. I have to look that up, never heard that one before. Heck, I huff and puff doing 3.2. I’m going to keep pushing. I’m hoping to get better. I can’t stop now, especially since I’ve come such a long way.  My dad tried to shoot me down yesterday by saying, “Oh, you actually running now” that jegro gets on my last nerve.  And to think I actually thought he was happy for me. That didn’t last too long before the sarcasm set in. I can’t wait for my next race.  I hope it’s in France. Nice, France, theplace of the Rock n Roll race series February 17th!

What’s happening in your day? 

Once again with the BF!

The boyfriend is made again, rather hurt and bothered.  He read my journal/goal setting book.  Not sure how much he read but he did. I at least know he read the last page which talks about me being glad he didnt leave and that I have secrets.  Ha!

Because it's shaped like a Ribbon !@#$%

Another Panera temptation. Why do I want one Just Because It's Shaped Like a Ribbon? Why?  #CleanEatingTorture!

Chocolate Pecan "Grandma"?

This is Panera's Chocolate Pecan Babka.  Babka is polish for grandma.  I don't think that's a good name for a yummy looking calorie-filled dessert.  I WANT ONE! BAAAAAAABKA!

Dreams

I’m working today. Maybe focusing on that will take my mind of things I really want and desire, money, vacations, facials, manicures and pedicures, clothing and hair stylist, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, sleeping, great love making, 3-5 bedroom home with 2-3.5 bathrooms, garage, and nice landscaping, recognition for being awesome, fitness, strength, power, respect and admiration, love, passport fully stamped from my travels, a great set of luggage and pots and pans would be nice but that goes along with the house and travels without saying but just thought i'd put it out there. This list to be continued...