Things PMS will make you do

So, I’m 34 single with no dependents. Society says that I should be married with about 2 children by now and a progressive career by now. In fact most people are in that predicament by the age of maybe 25 at the earliest. Not I and I really don’t have a desire for the former, married with children. However, about every 21 days or so, I get this distinct urge to want to be attached to someone other than myself, my destiny, and my mentees. Today is one of those days. I have the urge to want to ask Mr. Dude, we should move in and you take care of me. We can just be roommates with benefits. LOL! Doing something I would totally regret because of PMS issues frightens me and makes me edgy, shameful, and a threat to myself. During this time I like to stay closed off from society and the world in general. Lord forbids I go ahead and do it. I would make the biggest fool of myself. Once that 2 week time is over, I’m back to my normal free self. The 1st week isn’t that tough to get through. It’s the end of that 2nd week that gets me to the cliff’s edge. PMS is a monster for real. And those dealing with PMDD should not be allowed to walk the streets during this time. We need FMLA excused absence once every 2-3 weeks for real.

Lovin is Hard

So, I'm chillin at the house all day long watching episode after episode of "The Game". It's hypnotic. I truly did not mean to waste my entire free day plopped down in the lazy boy 4 hours a day. If I can remember when I started watching the 1st show. And there were no commercials from one show to the next so there was no time to get distracted and move on to something else. I was hooked literally all day long from A.M. to 6pm when 106 & park came on. Then of course it was easy to let go. I was so into it because I have not seen the game in years so I am so lost on all the episodes. The last show I saw was when Kelly moved out and divorced Jason. I have no idea how that all ended or what day the regular shows come on.
I'm hoping BET doesn't mess up the chemistry.
So, the reason why I'm blogging is because one of the episodes was about Tasha and her breaking up with Coach Kenny. It was all about her attitude and "black girl sass". She mentioned that 47% of African American women do not get married after 30. That was a sad statistic and I'm not really feeling that it has anything to do with "black girl sass". However it has me thinking more about the idea of getting married.

For the longest I haven't really felt the urge to get married or even have a boyfriend. Nothing more than a "hang out" guy with perks. I did say perks not benefits. I think I've had enough of the sex routine. I can have sex any given day of the week. That's a lost cause for me. Not a really big "need" per se. I don't know if I'm really ready for a full blooded relationship. Every relationship I'm in I seem to loose myself and stop focusing on what it is I need to do. No on can get ahead at that rate. I'll always be needy and whiny because I think I'm not getting enough attention. The problem is I should give myself that attention and stop relying on someone else to fill that void. So what I've never been close with my parents or siblings. That shouldn't be the end of to the possibilities of me having a decent worthwhile healthy relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

Love is hard and I seem to keep fighting it and running away from the possibility of meeting Mr. Right. I'm so sure I can stop all hurt from coming my way if I put brick wall between me and the rest of the universe. So what if that only pushes people away. At least then I want be hurt and everyone will be a okay.

Hmmm, that sounds like a pretty lonely place to be for the rest of my life. Yeah, but I'm semi-cool for right now. I'm not really feeling a relationship. It's always the wrong guys that approach me instead of someone I was really interested in and desired. How do I attract and keep those guys? That's where the dilemma lies.

So what would I be interested in? Let's imagine my dream guy. At least 5'7", of course cute. No lighter than me, college graduate at the least, out going. I have to have outgoing because I'm not so he has to be the life of the party. Humor is a must. Loving, gentle, kind, considerate. All the things listed in the bible that describes what true love is and is not. Confident but not cocky, nice dresser but not obsessed, giving, nurturing but not a push over. I don't want him being a yes man and volunteering for everything and everybody. I need him to myself 95% of the time :-) Smart, peaceful, romantic. Yes, romantic. I have never listed that before in my things I want in a mind. After dating my ex and a few other guys in the past, I have come to realize that's what was missing, among other things but especially the romance.

Maybe I haven't been the romancing type. Guys romance the ones that really want to spend time with and care about. humph.

There are tons of other things I could ask for and desire but this blog is pretty long enough so I guess I'll end it there. It was kinda nice and warm to think about what I want in a guy. Maybe I'll dream about it tonight and it will come true.

Marriage...DONT DO IT GIRL! unless he's heaven sent

Words from Pastor Jamal Harrison-Bryant:

I often warn women who are contemplating marriage to marry someone who can take care of them. When a woman marries, it ought to be to someone who is capable of taking her to the next level. If she comes from poverty, there is no reason for her to get married and still be impoverished. The role of the man is to take her to another place.

When she gets married, she ought to dress better, drive better, live better, and eat better, not constantly be in a struggle over where her next meal is coming from. My grandmother used to say, 'I can do bad all by myself.

For a woman desiring a mate, the objective, of course, would be to find a Christian man, who's settled, has goals, accomplishments and a job. But a goal-oriented and focused man can't just be approached any kind of way.

So the woman who seeks this type of stability must make sure that he stands out above the crowd:

• Make sure your relationship with the Lord is strong and growing.
• Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, your presentation should be representative of both who you are and whom you seek. Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.
• Have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation.
• And most importantly, allow the Holy Ghost to take control. You don't need to go after him. He's going to come after you, because after he sees and smells you and knows that you're in his presence, he's going to want to know who you are!

I know there's somebody reading this who has been chasing after the 'man of your dreams,' but God says, 'Just sit still and allow patience to have her perfect work through Me. '

Furthermore, it's never a good idea to be too forward and too aggressive. Attempting to win a man's affection by jumping into bed with him will only backfire and cause him to lose interest in ever developing a lasting relationship. It causes him to lose respect for you and question your character.

However, if he sees that you are dressed with quality, that you smell like you are somebody, that you look like you're doing fine without him, then that will attract the right attention from him. He'll have no choice but to give you his attention. Stop looking so needy, climbing into bed, trying in vain to capture a man's heart.God woke me up in the middle of the night and said, 'The same thing that Naomi told Ruth to do is the same thing that I want them to do for me.'

God is so sick of saints coming to Him trying to get a quickie and never romancing Him for Who he is - going to church screaming, shouting and hollering, but hadn't been intimate with God all week long! Stop trying to treat God like a sugar daddy and start romancing Him with worship and praise: 'I'm yours Lord...everything I've got...everything I'm not!'

The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of us foreplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, the mother-in-law tells Ruth, 'You have to wash.' John 15:3 reminds us, Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. When you sit in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear the unadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you've accumulated all week long begins to wash off of you.

Ask God to 'create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit.' Stand in the word. Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength. Pass this on to those who have found or are seeking Mr. Right. This message is not directed at the receiver, it is directed to women I know that touch other young women that can benefit from this information. We are to be Naomi's of the world today. Our young women need to be informed of how to catch and keep a man that will respect .

" If he can't meet you where you are....leave him where he's at "

'Every Saint Has a Past, Every Sinner Has A Future'

BE REAL! HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

My Ex Got Married

So, no matter how I try not to think about it or harbor ill feelings, i continue to find it impossible not to have so many questions. Well the fact is, i wouldnt have so many questions had he not ignored my email when all i simply did was wish him many blessings for a happy marriage. What in the world is so wrong with that? To catch you up, here's the story:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So my ex got marrried. We dated from Feb 08 - May 08. Not long at all, which truthfully is the case for most of my relationships. He got married September 08 I guess. Not really sure, but that's when I found out. Now prior to September we were still on speaking terms, verbally, text, and email. Nothing big not even regularly. He said it out of his own mouth that we were cool, friends. There was no need for us not to speak. Cool. I definitely had no problem with that as I am "cool" with all of my ex-victims :-) except one and that's because he put his hands on me. Anyway, being that we are cool, and it is so fresh, why wouldnt he tell me that he was getting married or had gotten engaged or whatever. I've had "friends" well a "friend" since our break up and that's nothing to tell, but something as major as marriage only 4 months after a break up is what I would call serious.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay so say he didnt tell me about the engagment or marriage. No big deal. It is what it is. My problem at this moment is why would he Not respond with at least a Thank You when I wish him a congratulations. I got nothing. nothing. nothing. nothing.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What am I missing here? Did i do something wrong? Am I out of line for expecting a little courtesy? Well maybe so because the fellow has no idea what respect means. Which might I add was a major cause for our break up. At least from my perspective, among other things.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, I had a long drawn out 2-pager that I wrote yesterday and was going to post, but I'm not at that mindset now. This is where I am. The 2-pager was a timeline of events but what i've said here is the jist of what I wanted to say. Yesterday my initial feelings were shock, confusion, justification (during the latter part of the relationship I suspected he was cheating or had another life he was hiding), hurt, anxious, and cautious. I had and still have no idea how I am suppose to feel.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What I would like to happen, I would like a Thank You first of all. Then I would like an explaination of why I was kept in the dark when it was going to come to light anyway. I'm just floored basically. I have no idea what to think or how to feel. Guess I'll chalk it up with every other mystery I've encountered over the years. For instance, why do guys want girls to be stupid and take whatever they dish out yet and have the audicity to be treated better than they treat you? lol
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That my friends will always be a mystery.
I'm glad I got this off my chest. It was giving me acid reflux and a headache.