NO THANK YOU!

So he's probably calling because he's horny. It's been about a month so his hormones are growing weak. It's too late. I'm not giving him another chance. I'm not responding to text messages or phone calls. It's always the same song and no revelation. I miss him and I love him and I'm in-love with him, but i'm not going to continue to subject myself to someone who does not feel the same way about me.

What was I thinking dating a guy who thinks it's okay to have babies all throughout Tennessee. He's not selective in who he has a baby with and thinks it's no big deal to have a different mother for every child. Why should I feel special about the possibility of having his child. It wouldn't mean anything to him except another child support payment which he seems to not mind at all.

I'm looking forward to attracting a good man that wants to truly be with me, get to know me, and grow with me. Yes it's all about me and I have no shame about it. I am not ashamed about what I want and don't want. I believe I deserve to be admired and truly loved so if I can't get that then I'm not wasting my time. I'm a very loving individual and I give 100% of myself to building a relationship why shouldn't I expect the same thing in return?

FYI: Did you know

A native west Tennessean heads America's green jobs initiative under President Obama.  His name is Van Jones and he hails from Jackson, Tennessee :-)

 

He was named in Time Magazines top 100 most influential people in 2008 and again in 2009! 

 

Google him baby!  This man is AWESOME.  He has so many accomplishments including, NY Times best selling author, civil rights activist, attorney, social entrepreneur, and environmentalist. 

 

DESPERATION

Desperation moves at the sound of its own drum humming along to a tune all it's very own.  Making melodies symphonic in beats and harmonious in rhythm.  there's no ending nor beginning only the truth of wanting by many.  Many nights of loneliness many nights of caring and desiring no stopping til they've reached the mood. 

 

I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm drained, I'm in love, in like, in need, indeed.  Counting my blessing til I'm home again making love is a lesson no need to seek and hide.  Contemplating suicide but wait before you push me aside, I'm waiting wanting no need for this homicide. 

 

Peace be still my heart.  Strings of faith declared this Earth.  Move away don't look back.  What you're reaching for is yet intact.  Be still my broken arrow look away my sadden heart.  Break down these walls of frustration carry on my broken heart.  Now is not the time for grief or insanity be who you are and withstand this distant epiphany. 

 

End  this song now before it gives birth draw out the soreness of such a raw Earth.  Create within you that which you are.  Be more to yourself than that which you think you are.

 

Now is the time to grow up and never cower being that disdain will only make you sour. 

 

Protect yourself, Respect yourself, it is my greatest plea.  Suffer all alone but never comfort me.  Dissatisfaction , a cowards way of me making life a gamble important to none but thee. 

 

This is the End for you to come aboard make life your destiny live as though you should.  Make everyday your last and live for only the good. 

LOVE

Love seems to fail us at all the wrong times.   It's a rainy 2 weeks in Nashville, I'm recovering from a cold/flu and listening to a new cd.  All these elements make for many moments of reflection.  The cd is "Travel and Light."  The artist is Jaafar.   The songs are sweet, melodic, and comforting.  They also make me think about being in-love, in-like, and in-wonder. 

 

Working from 9-5, volunteering from 5-9, and running on empty promises weighs in on the attributes of peace, love, and harmony.  The thing most constant in change is the evidence of things staying the same coming full circle and running its course.  Change brings forced revelation yet it develops a skip pattern yet to be fully developed in sequential altitudes capable of understanding. 

 

Love is one of those constant changes that remains the same.  Love cherishes, grows, and crushes.  It's all the same day in day out yet different.  Running against love tires the soul and builds walls thicker than iron.  Sometimes its okay to stop and breath and let it catch up with you.  Love hurts, heals, crushes, and relieves the mind of pain known and unknown.

 

Giving love a try...I don't know.  Failed attempts waxes the determinative attributes once so easily obtained.   

Writing

Writing is good for the soul.  It helps eliminate toxins on the brain, soul, and helps clarify emotions.  Happy people express themselves to others, themselves, and the outer universe in general.  Keeping it all in suffocates creativity  and pollutes the heart.  I'm not one to fully express myself whether happy, sad, confused, or mad.  This has caused an outward appearance of defeat, dissatisfaction, and helplessness. 

 

No one knows your thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams, intelligence, or true identity.  You become defined by your facial expressions or lack thereof.  Spinning in circles going no where.  Peace isn't my sanctity because I'm unexpressive.  There needs to be a change.  A change in the way I express myself, the way I do not express myself. 

 

My friend creates art with pen, another makes jewelry, another preaches the word, another verbally and joyfully engages in random conversations.  These are simple but doable forms of communication and letting someone know where you stand, how you feel, and who you are in and out. 

 

Nonchalance carries the attitude of "I don't care", "I'm far removed", or it could also mean "I really don't know so I'd rather not comment."  Does this mean you have no opinion, your disinteresting, disinterested, or ignorant?  Not voicing your opinion leads others to draw their own conclusions.  Most times these conclusions lean more on the negative side than not. 

 

Stuck up, boring, quiet, unknowledgeable, are a few adjectives used to describe less verbally expressive interactive nonchalant low-opinionated persons such as myself.  It's not that I don't know or have an opinion. Most of the time it is because I'm disinterested and at others it could be that what I have to say would not be the status quo and someone's feelings would be hurt.  Opinions are based on what that person knows and knowing what I know sometimes wages war against how the majority views the situation. 

 

Taking ideas from what someone tells you, incorporating them with what you know, using my sense of discernment, and scanning the past, present, and future helps create my response.  There are times when what I say needs further explanation but by then persons receiving the response have taken comments to another level in the wrong direction making me out to be the mean one.  When in fact things aren't always what they seem.  Listening and further inquiry as to how the answer was derived would reveal that all details have been taken into consideration, tested, and sequenced to produce minimal yet confusing response. 

 

So at times instead of answering and having to go in depth explaining the derivative of my response I'd rather keep my answer to myself and let the masses draw conclusions. 

 

Is this helpful to my character...not really.  However, no one ask unless they want the truth.  It is my belief that I bring the realness to any situation.  I say what one is thinking but has not been said and this is the value added opinion that may come across as harsh  but in reality speaks volumes. 

 

Choose words wisely.  Closed mouths don't get fed. Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Speak it and it shall be.  Those that walk in the counsel of the Godly shall inherit the earth.     

Today's Journey

Today's journey will be one of peace, solitude, harmony, and self-reflection.  I'm tired, sleepy, and bored.  Not bored in the sense that I don't have anything to do, but in the sense that I need a vacation.  A long week maybe 2 week vacation.  Whether alone or with someone special, I need time away. 

 

Growing up we never took vacations.  I knew nothing about ppl taking yearly vacations.  I didn't know that was something ppl did on a regular.  My mom and grandmother never went anywhere further than work and church.  My dad and his family went places sometimes, but I didn't really know it was a regular routine that ppl planned every summer. 

 

Now that I'm independent and running my own household, paying bills, and working non-stop, I know better.   Vacations should be a job requirement to keep energy going.  Vacation planning should be part of the benefit package.  I think everyone would be much happier, more productive, and call out sick less.  Children would be smarter in school and get into less trouble.  Husbands would be happier, wives would fill more appreciated and fulfilled.  The world would be a much calmer place. 

 

Last year I had to settle for rainy Tampa, Florida as my birthday get-away.  My wish is to go on a cruise to the islands or any other land far away.  My next birthday will definitely require a passport and no less than $2,000. China, Beijing, Singapore, Netherlands, New Zealand,  Amsterdam, Prague, Japan, anywhere overseas and away from the states.  I need to explore, grow, mature, get some culture.  I  need an extreme adventure. 

 

I'm 33 and I only have 7 years to fulfill my goal of traveling the world before I'm 40.  First, I need to get a passport.  Second I need to create a plan for this travel.  It would be very nice to have a travel companion, but with the friends I have now I'd be lucky to get out of the south.  Funds are tight, we are in a recession, and everyone is pretty much getting situated in their career including myself.  It takes time, discipline, and perseverance to plan a trip of the magnitude I'm trying to reach.  It also takes money.  There in lays my downfall. HA!  

 

I could get a job that has me traveling every 2 weeks.  Many people that travel say they are tired of traveling and those that do not travel wish they could.  No one's ever totally satisfied with their situation.  In my opinion, I see that as a good thing.  If we are satisfied then we cease to grow.  Well, I am one who needs a change of scenery every 2 years.  Hence the reason I'm assuming I have not held the same job longer than 2 years.  I'm currently setting a new record working on year 3.  Stability is an honorable concept.  Keeping the interest alive is the challenge. 

 

For now, I strive to put into action my plan for peace, harmony, and solitude.  I have to make this work to my advantage.  I have to find a balance between working, growing, and enjoying every minute of the day.  Something has to give. 

King James MVP 2009

KING JAMES MVP 2009


So it was mostly between James and Kobe but Mr James came out on top which I'm glad. I think he definitely deserved. My sweety Wade came in a close 2nd. He does so much on his own. Maybe next yr boobie!

Dwight Howard

Kobe Bryant

Love of My life Mr. D Wade!