Lovin is Hard

So, I'm chillin at the house all day long watching episode after episode of "The Game". It's hypnotic. I truly did not mean to waste my entire free day plopped down in the lazy boy 4 hours a day. If I can remember when I started watching the 1st show. And there were no commercials from one show to the next so there was no time to get distracted and move on to something else. I was hooked literally all day long from A.M. to 6pm when 106 & park came on. Then of course it was easy to let go. I was so into it because I have not seen the game in years so I am so lost on all the episodes. The last show I saw was when Kelly moved out and divorced Jason. I have no idea how that all ended or what day the regular shows come on.
I'm hoping BET doesn't mess up the chemistry.
So, the reason why I'm blogging is because one of the episodes was about Tasha and her breaking up with Coach Kenny. It was all about her attitude and "black girl sass". She mentioned that 47% of African American women do not get married after 30. That was a sad statistic and I'm not really feeling that it has anything to do with "black girl sass". However it has me thinking more about the idea of getting married.

For the longest I haven't really felt the urge to get married or even have a boyfriend. Nothing more than a "hang out" guy with perks. I did say perks not benefits. I think I've had enough of the sex routine. I can have sex any given day of the week. That's a lost cause for me. Not a really big "need" per se. I don't know if I'm really ready for a full blooded relationship. Every relationship I'm in I seem to loose myself and stop focusing on what it is I need to do. No on can get ahead at that rate. I'll always be needy and whiny because I think I'm not getting enough attention. The problem is I should give myself that attention and stop relying on someone else to fill that void. So what I've never been close with my parents or siblings. That shouldn't be the end of to the possibilities of me having a decent worthwhile healthy relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

Love is hard and I seem to keep fighting it and running away from the possibility of meeting Mr. Right. I'm so sure I can stop all hurt from coming my way if I put brick wall between me and the rest of the universe. So what if that only pushes people away. At least then I want be hurt and everyone will be a okay.

Hmmm, that sounds like a pretty lonely place to be for the rest of my life. Yeah, but I'm semi-cool for right now. I'm not really feeling a relationship. It's always the wrong guys that approach me instead of someone I was really interested in and desired. How do I attract and keep those guys? That's where the dilemma lies.

So what would I be interested in? Let's imagine my dream guy. At least 5'7", of course cute. No lighter than me, college graduate at the least, out going. I have to have outgoing because I'm not so he has to be the life of the party. Humor is a must. Loving, gentle, kind, considerate. All the things listed in the bible that describes what true love is and is not. Confident but not cocky, nice dresser but not obsessed, giving, nurturing but not a push over. I don't want him being a yes man and volunteering for everything and everybody. I need him to myself 95% of the time :-) Smart, peaceful, romantic. Yes, romantic. I have never listed that before in my things I want in a mind. After dating my ex and a few other guys in the past, I have come to realize that's what was missing, among other things but especially the romance.

Maybe I haven't been the romancing type. Guys romance the ones that really want to spend time with and care about. humph.

There are tons of other things I could ask for and desire but this blog is pretty long enough so I guess I'll end it there. It was kinda nice and warm to think about what I want in a guy. Maybe I'll dream about it tonight and it will come true.

Dis Jigga

Okay, so I just told married dude that i wasn't in the mood for drinking and hanging out. It's after 10pm and he thinking it is cool to kick it. hmmm





He txt back cool c u some other time. peace.
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Hmm.
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The night is still yung. well c if it really is "cool"
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bet u anything he come back with some "you acting funny" type ish!
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***jiggas***

Chilin at the crib

So, It's Friday 9:52pm and here I am chillin at the crib. It's a Southern Heritage Classic weekend and everybody and they mama are in the M-Town or 1-town and those memph' folks like to be called.

I didnt make it to the game. I was forced to place myself on

"fund" preservation status hahaha!

I'll try harder to make it to the ATL game end of the month. For now I'm chillin bout to take a hot bath and whatever. Gas is darn $5 a gallon thanks to Ike's crazy ass! grrrr So I am also perserving gas usage.

No bookclub outting for me tomorrow!

And another thing y is that guys come to me when they ready for a rebound flounce? What have I done to come off that way? I've never been open for business like that. I don't mind kickin it like yo boys or peeps but I aint tryn to do all that. How could they get the perception when I haven't done anything to give them that perception.

C thats y I'm so mean cuz ppl just dont understand where i'm coming from. NO means no and if u keep saying no and have to get crazy on 'em they say i'm mean and got an attitude.

First of all I have not talked to you in upteen years and now suddenly u calling/txting/instant messenging??? Wats that all about? hmmm

2nd I aint got time or the desire to be hangining with someone else's husband. Oh yeah!!! its like that ! and they have the nerve to say i'm acting funny when I tell them to back the fuck off! what is that mess all about???

I'll be happy here all by myself. Me and my pc :-)