No Time For Love

Sometimes love hurts and at 33 I don't feel I should still have to endure this trauma.  If a grown man tells you he loves you then he should mean it and show you how much he loves you.  If a grown man has issues or situations they are dealing with then he should have the maturity to see that it is not time for him to be in a relationship.  Things aren't always going to work out when you are ready for them and you are not always going to be ready for them when they are ready for you.  Timing is a sophisticated element that can only be conquered with timing itself.  The challenge for individuals is to persuade those elements, timing and timing, to work for you and not against you.

 

In the case of relationships going north or south, timing is the culmination of preparedness and knowing the level of preparedness needed.  There is something inside that urges you to make things work and match up whatever time you think is best.  However there are those urges that you ignore because your heart has a time frame all its own.   This is where the confusion and frustration comes into play.  Being ready naturally and being ready in her heart are two totally different sequences.  Naturally you don't have to think about being ready for a relationship.  Great things just happen and fall into place.  Being ready in your heart is an emotional roller coaster sabotaged by your mind's idea of this is the one, I'm ready. 

 

Aligning the two is what births harmony and long-term happiness.  If you're not feeling mutual harmony and happiness within your relationship then your timing is off and you need to step back, comfort yourself, and deal with the issues.  Dragging someone along until you realign yourself is unfair, unhealthy, and unproductive. 

 

Love is a natural process not something you force or compromise.  There are compromises in relationships but not in love.  Love is uncompromising and unconditional. Love takes center stage and never leaves you wanting more.  It fulfills the soul giving overflow so that you have plenty left over to share with others. 

 

Relationships take time and timing takes patience.  Be patient in your loving and time will be on your side.          

It's a bust!

Joel back on the bottom rung of the relationship ladder.  He left for orlando today and wasnt even trying to spend time or even tell me he was going or when he was leaving.  he mentioned it last week but it spoke as if it was still up in the air.  he claimed he was trying to spend time with his little girl cuz he spend so much time with his sons. he felt like he needed to give her some time.  her mom was tripping.  more like her mom's husband was trippin.  so needless to say he did not take the little girl. 

 

i never heard anything else about it.  so i didnt know he was still going.  i have not seen or talked to him since last week when he picked me up from the air port. Sunday.  we were suppose to hang out Tuesday.  i call and he says he has his son.  did he say anything to me before that?  no, but what he does say is his brother picked him up. so i'm still not knowing he going to orlando.  he said his son was going to be wit him til Friday.  i'm like cool. he wants to spend time with dad before school starts.

 

20 minutes later i get a text: next Friday.  so i'm like okay so he wit you a full week. whatever.  i know he has all these children but they are of age where they are fine at home plus yum yum lives with his older brother so someone's there.  its about 6 or 7 and he never says anything about us kicking it. 

 

almost 10:00 i get a text: you can come through.  What the hail?? so i tell him naw its too late. i'm pissy because he didnt say anything of the sort earlier and he didnt say anything when he told me he had his son and he never said that he had his son earlier that day. 

 

i was originally thinking his brother just went and got the child just because.  i dont know how they do things.  the trip is like 2 hours away and sometimes the mom meets them half way so its not bad.  anyway...

 

my point is he made no effort what so ever to spend time or tell me he was going to florida and when etc.

 

he is a terrible communicator and nothing has changed from all those other times we called ourselves talking. and the crazy thing is he said that he has never changed.  that little talk we had with him trying to get back with me, he now says he said nothing different from what he's been saying the entire time he's known me. 

 

i'm not even in-love anymore.  i'm no longer smitten.  i feel like i'm trying to force something now.  i kinda felt that way before, but now the excitement i had is not there. 

 

i'm really fed up with trying with this guy. 

 

his ring tone on my phone is "jerk" by new boyz.  lol and i changed his name to "not the 1".

X's and O's

My heart is with someone else, but I'm physically halfway here with you.  How does that tune play out in your head?  I'm not even totally here with you because you're not really here. I know, it's weird but it makes complete sense to me.  You can't be with the one you love so you're with the one who accepts you only he's not fully with you either.  His heart isn't with you but his desire is.  How does that work?  Well, no one wants to be alone yet no one wants to be together so we sorta share irresponsibility of being apart together but not really.

 

Solution: PX90 :-) Do something for yourself and take your mind off someone else.  Focus on you! Ck for pics August 1! And so the story begins...

No more 4th for you!

So the weekend didn't go as promised.  Joel was suppose to meet my family 4th of July weekend.  He was the one asking to meet them.  The opportunity was there.  All he had to do was show up.   What happened?  He didn't have time to make plans before I left.  He never wanted to talk about it and never made time to talk.  I text him my grandmother's home number because I don't get cell service with T-Mobile at grandmother's house.  When did he call?  Never.  He claims he did not leave Nashville until late the evening of July 4.  Why didn't he at least call at some point that day to let me know what was up?  Did he call the next day, July 5?  Nope.  What was his excuse for the weekend?  He didn't leave Nashville until late and it was storming.  He and his son got a hotel room in Jackson.  He didn't want to call my grandmother's house that late.  Why didn't he call the next day?  He was working on payroll.  What does all this sound like to you? But hold on, I'm not done yet.

 

It's Monday, July 6th.  While most people are back to work he's off.  Did he ask me to take off and spend time with him since he doesn't get to spend time with me during the work week?  Nope.  When did he tell me he was going to be off on Monday?  Sunday when I called him around 11 A.M. which is when I heard his lame excuses.  It's almost 11 A.M. Monday, July 6.  Have I heard from him? Nope.  He's off today.  What does he have planned?  I don't know but whatever it is, it does not include me because he hasn't said anything to me. 

 

How hard would it be to call me or text and ask me out to lunch on his day off?  I mean, I would think he has some explaining and making up to do.  Oh well, guess he feels vindicated cause he has the job and his children as an alibi.  HA! :-)

 

If you know me, you know what that means.  ;-) 

 

So who did he spend the 4th with?  Why wouldn't he make arrangements with me before I left?  Why didn't he call me on the 4th?  Why didn't he call me the following day? Why didn't he ask me to hang out with him on his off day?  Why didn't he at least ask me to lunch or dinner or something or at the minimum say good morning? 

 

HA!

 

Must be that time

I am so freakin sleepy, tired, constipated, bloated, and depressed. It DOES NOT pay to be a woman.  I don't care how wonderful it is to carry life and give birth to another human being.  Everything in-between before and after that is a top load of crap!

 

The day before my time of the month I am so ridiculously happy, joyful, and energetic, and dare I say forgiving of idiocracy.  However, the very next day I am so wiped out and feel like facing the world is the last thing needed contemplating for a 6am shower and metamorphosis. 

 

I'm clinging to the bed, hating my clock, steve harvey is getting on my 1st and last nerve, and it's cold no matter what the weatherperson says.  I don't want coffee cuz it agitates cramps. I don't want breakfast cuz I'm already fat. I just want sleep and the world to go back to sleep and the sun to go down for another 6-12 hours. 

 

And the biggest farce that gets me is that no matter when that time of the month comes your life couldn't get any more hectic.  Everything in the world is important.  All reports are due and no one else has to work as hard as you do.  Seems like I need all my energy around the week my cramps and fatigue set in for the next 3-6 days.  I never need to push myself and meet deadlines the way I do when it's that time of the month. 

 

I have often contemplated how the heck would I make it if I were in corporate America heading up a fortune 500 company.  There is no way I would be able to do what the boys do during that time.  2 out of 4 weeks of the month everyone would catch hail no doubt. 

 

I've tried all the earthly remedies like cutting back on sugar, salt, beef, pork, caffeine, and eating more green veggies, drinking more water, and increasing exercising.  Do you know how limiting, boring, and exhaustingly frustrating that is?

 

So however said it is wonderful being a woman needs to be shot cuz I'd give anything to be a guy for one yr and see how they really enjoy life. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

P-O-E-T-H-O-N Help send some kids to the CHI!!! PLEASE

Hello Everyone,

 

Youth Speaks Nashville is raising money to send young ( ages 14- 19 ) poets to the national poetry festival in Chicago by performing poetry for 5 hours  (300 minutes) on Monday, July 6th from 4:00 - 9:00p at I Dream of Weenie, Pied Piper Creamery, and Art house Gardens. Poets and supporters are signing up to lead sections of the P-O-E-T-H-O-N and bringing friends to recite pieces by their favorite poets or performing original works. 

 

We are reaching out to the community for pledges, attached is a copy of the pledge form and a note describing the event. If you are interested in donating funds, please contact Youth Speaks at info@youthspeaksnashville.org.  If you are interested in performing please contact LaToyur at 615-332-4452 or email yurmagazine@hotmail.com .
 

*** This event is open to the public ***