FIST FULL OF TEARS

Sometimes the thing you want the most is not the best thing for you. Let that thing go. Cry about it. Blog about it. Pray about it. Move on. What's not good for you will not work out for you. God orders your steps. You disorder your steps. Only God can lead the dance. Everyone else misses the beats.

Spare yourself the time and energy. Do it right the first time around. Right isn't always easy to do, but its worth it.

Don't cry over spilled milk. It's spilt for a reason.

NO THANK YOU!

So he's probably calling because he's horny. It's been about a month so his hormones are growing weak. It's too late. I'm not giving him another chance. I'm not responding to text messages or phone calls. It's always the same song and no revelation. I miss him and I love him and I'm in-love with him, but i'm not going to continue to subject myself to someone who does not feel the same way about me.

What was I thinking dating a guy who thinks it's okay to have babies all throughout Tennessee. He's not selective in who he has a baby with and thinks it's no big deal to have a different mother for every child. Why should I feel special about the possibility of having his child. It wouldn't mean anything to him except another child support payment which he seems to not mind at all.

I'm looking forward to attracting a good man that wants to truly be with me, get to know me, and grow with me. Yes it's all about me and I have no shame about it. I am not ashamed about what I want and don't want. I believe I deserve to be admired and truly loved so if I can't get that then I'm not wasting my time. I'm a very loving individual and I give 100% of myself to building a relationship why shouldn't I expect the same thing in return?

Stupid Pet Tricks!

I miss my baby. He acts so much like a child it's ridiculous. He throws temper tantrums when I don't call or respond to every message. If he is the last one to call or text and I don't say anything back he wont speak to me until I say something to him. He thinks we should keep track and take turns responding. He is so stupid. I'm crazy about him and for some reason I feel this is the best I can do as far as a long term relationship with someone I truly want to be with but I'm really ready to call it quits.

I shouldn't feel so frustrated and have to deal with such idiocy in a relationship. I'm better off just being by myself and wishing I had someone to be with. Like the the one before I just have to cut my ties, close my heart, and let it go. Just because I love him doesn't mean we should be together. I've given him way too many chances. He's just stupid and childish. Besides that he's made it clear that he doesn't want to get married so what's the point of hanging on anyway if we don't want the same thing.

Lawd! Lawd! Lawd! Yhy are you playing with me?! As I'm typing this fool just text me! I'm so freakin confused. Here's his smart-ass text "Jus sayin gdmornin" This fool ain't said shit to me all beautiful weekend. Who the fuck he been with all weekend? I've had dilemmas to deal with all weekend. I needed someone to vent and talk to. I thought that's what boyfriends are for and he's no where to be found. Not there when I need him.

What should I do? Should I jump and respond? Should I wait and respond later today? Should I even respond and all and go ahead with my decision to completely drop his ass for good?

It's 8am. I think I'll pass on the responding. Cuz if that's all his dumb ass has to say is good freakin morning after not speaking to me all damn weekend for some childish-ass reason then fuck him.

Somebody Lieing!

So, I'm talking to Mississippi last night. He's so immature I asked him how old he was. Everytime I ask him he gets offended or doesn't really want to answer the question. Last night we got into a lil argument because he asked was age a problem. I'm like what the hell is the big deal. So I thought he was 34. It's posted on his profile that he's 34 and I could sware he told me he was 34.

1. He said he made a mistake when he filed out his profile and just didnt bother correcting it so he just left it. The problem I have with this is he told me his sister filled out his profile. hmmm (loser)

2. He said he never told me he was 34. He claims he told me he was 32. Lie! Why would I make up something like that? i'm so blahhhhhhhhhhaggg!! Okay so I just left it alone because he was getting real defensive. Y? I have no idea.

The final verdict: I think this negro is in his damn 20s!!! Y?

1. His ass talked about him and his friend riding around like they showboys (wat the hell) I had to get the f off the phone after that shit. I'm like who in the hell talks about riding around first off and riding around like you a showboy??? yyyyyyyyy jesuz?


2. His ONLY conversation is "What are you wearing to bed?" What do you have one? I want to suck your toes. Next time we meet I'm going to bring the massage oil etc. Negro didnt I tell yo ass you AINT gettin no ass!!!!!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!!!!! He is so concerned about getting some booty. Y I have no idea. Only because he's not really interested in me but interested in new booty and this negro is in is freakin 20s!


3. I tried to talk to him about what's going on in the news. He was silent. Couldn't tell me whats going on in Mississippi. Nothing. He didnt even know why he voted for Barack or what was going on with the campaign.


4. He orignally told me he was not into watching sports (thats a negative in my book but i was willin to work with him). So we were out this weekend and he was all into the LSU game. I was like negro I thought you werent into watching sports (reminder he played football for university of southern mississippi). His ass talking about " I didnt say that, I said I dont watch NFL or NBA but I like college football" DISSSSSSSSS JIGGA!! I'm like if thats what you wanted to do just say so. Thats all I do on Saturday is watch football. We could have easily done that instead of out tryin to spend money. (the lil town we were in was wasy sorry)


5. Whenever we talk about something I have to repeat myself the next day because he will ask the same question somewhere down the line. I'm like..didnt we already talk about this. Now in my opinion, if your interested in someone wouldnt you want to know more about them and interested in what they have to say and remember?


6. This negro orginally told me his b'day was Sep 25. Yes we talked about that before we met because I said my mom's bday was the 9th my sisters got married in september and my uncle's anniversary was in september. So I know for a fact we had this conversation. On last night his ass said Sep 2. WHAT THE HELL!! Lawd I need a break from the shnit! Something in the kool aid just aint right


7. Showboy!! I cannot get over this one. Who in the heeeeeeelll talks about riding around like a showboy if they in they 30s??


8. When I left, he stayed in the lil town and hung out with his friend. He claims his friend is in his 20s and just wanted to ride around and blah blah blah. Okay..I'm just not having a good day here. Now I mentor a young lady. she will turn 13 this weekend. She dont even ask to go riding around But whatever.
9. I tried to figure out other things to do when we met up in December. I mentioned going to a Grizzles game. This jigga got quiet as heck. I'm like damn. You braggin about all this money you make and toys you drive and how you like plays and doing other things....So, I guess thats a no go. If he think I'm going to drive to Miss. and do the same damn thing everytime and thats going to get him so ass he is sadly miserably mistaken. IDioT!

I got more but i got things to do today. I'm just shaking my head at how pitiful I am messing around and how excited i was yesterday about this fool. pray for me ppl !

The new guy. Questions.

okay, so i'm thinking about mississippi and i'm thinking i'm just going to throw in the towel. a lot of times i just go with the flow and whatever. however, the more i'm trying to think of what all i need to know about this guy to make a decision the more its so obvious i'm treading shallow water.

i know i know i know it has been there all along, but my goodness when can i catch a break?

1. he said he graduated from southern miss with a degree in mechanical engineering after spending time at a community college. :-

southern miss does not have a degree per se in mechanical engineering. its more so listed as industrial, construction etc and you go from there. true what he does may be considered mechanical engineering, but for me, this one is just kinda on the line. because he didnt just come right out and say it i dont guess.

2. he works contract jobs. he's from a small town called tallulah, ms. so i'm assuming there's not much there. he says he wants to leave and blah blah. okay, he's 34 he has a engineering degree. whats' the hold up? now i have had a few friends who have had a hard time finding engineering jobs but he's been out like 5 years. so??

3. major red flag: he lives with his parents. y? here's his story, his parents gave him a house, but he is on the road the majority of the time with various jobs so he gave it to his sister when she got married. hmmmm. my question: whats up with the apt on your own?

4. he drives a $50,000 car so he says ( i dont know what it is i never ask cuz 1 i dont really care 2 bullsnit), plus he has 2 other vehicles (yawn, cough, whatever) yo ace in yo mama house 1. r u paying bills, 2. y 3. u still acting like a kid 3. there's no computer in the house (he mentioned...the friends house he goes to use the computer..my goodness *eyes rolling mouf twisted* ...the simple things)

okay, the question remains. y am i driving to memphis this weekend to meet a 34 yo who lives with his mama and cares more about the fact he drives a nice car and works out everyday than he does about building something for himself.

PLEASE SEND THE BULLDOZER TO MY HOUSE ON Saturday MORNING TO STOP ME FROM DRIVING 200 + MILES FOR THIS

okay, this is what i'm going to do. tonight i'm bringing up the living witcho mama stuff and paying bills. i just met him last month. would i be outta order for asking those type of questions? heck no it doesnt matter guys ask for sex on day one as if. so nothing i ask should be considered outta order no matter when i ask especially if i ask it up front to set/change the tone.

Dumped for No Reason

So, I'm reading a cosmo article via Yahoo! about y guys dump you when they really like you. As you can imagine, this article took me by surprise. I kinda knew it was true but for someone to actually put it out there makes a girl happy. Happy to know I'm not crazy. Guys really are stupid. haha

Here's the link to the article. Stupid guys!
Enjoy!

Now the question is, Have I ever been dumped for any of the reasons listed? I'm sure I have. If not dumped at least forced to do the dumping. Hmmmm let me think.......
the last boyfriend, well boyfriend-ish because we really didn't "date" or go out or get to the point where we called ourselves boyfriend/girlfriend (come to think of it, I have not been on a date date in years. Do ppl even do that anymore? Or did i even realize it was a date? Is hanging out, going out to eat, just chilin considered a date?) I think he was and continues to NOT BE READY for a relationship so he continues to put up a front and pulls away or will not allow himself to get close because he is extremely afraid of getting hurt. The sad part is I would do anything but hurt him. I've told him this a million times. We 1st "dated" in 06. so it's an on again off again thing. However, this last time was truly the last time for me. He's too tempermental. Love is a hard thing to achieve, handle, let go of, manuver, and except. Maybe one day he'll be ready. It just wont be with me. I'm done.