Tell em why you mad!

I'm so not in a good mood today and I have no one to talk to. everyone is so anal and look at me as the bad guy and over reactor.

I read a fb post this morning from a clinical therapist that emotional intelligence is the ability to use wisdom and react not out of emotion but out of sincere thought, facts, and discernment or some ish like that, rationalizing and separating the facts from what you feel at that moment. I have also been reading notes on linkedin from a social work therapist who specializes in anger management. he posted a question about the difference between emotional intelligence and the ability to effectively build and maintain positive relationships.

I use to react a lot out of emotion before I started college. everything was a personal attack and pissed me off. As I went through my college years I have grew considerably and am working even harder to grow in this area. I consider myself a more calm cool and collected individual. I consider the other person's viewpoint before I voice my concerns. Most of the time I don't say anything as it would only cause an uproar, feelings to be hurt, and chaos due to misunderstanding and lack of acceptance and respect for me on their part. In my considering both sides of the situation and trying to compromise and understand I don't feel anyone else listens with an open mind and try to understand things from my perspective. I"m definitely not saying I"m right about everything but at least give me a chance before passing judgement and running with preconceived notions.

With all that said, this ish has nothing to do with y I'm totally pissed off at this moment. LOL I'm highly p.o.'d because I am stupid broke. My financial management expertise is less than that of a kindergartner or homeless person rationing out his last 3 pennies. On top of that what really got under my skin this morning was a work email from another agency.

Part of my job is to filter outside request. In this latest request, the person asked for 2 years of data similar to what I gave her 2 years ago. Cool, no problem. I did it, although tedious and mundane, I put on hold what I was doing and completed the assignment. Once submitted I did not receive a thank you, I got it, blah blah or anything until today, 2 weeks later. And guess what she asked for, additional data. And she had the nerve to say that I gave her this "additional" information 2 years ago. This however is a lie! I did not give her that information 2 years ago. I did explain to her that what she was asking for was obtainable, but would not be submitted for another 4 weeks as I was in overload with my own assignments specific to my department. No, those were not my exact words, but it is pretty close. I smooth went off as professional and restrained as possible. LOL

And the part I'm pissed off about is not that she asked for additional data but that I spent my time trying to get something done for her putting my work on the back burner and she responds 2 weeks later. If it wasn't that important I would not have wasted my time. That's what has me flustered.

Needless to say this is how my day started and has since continued to snowball and no one is in their right mind enough for me to vent. Why? Because I'm the bad guy...the over-reactor. However when they react in a similar manner to similar situations its okay, it's allowed, its understood. This concept not just professionally but socially continues to irk me to the fullest extent of befuddlement. I have never and will never understand how my emotional intelligence is graded on a completely different scale.

And another thing, why in the hail don't people respond to email? If you receive an email needing a response why would you not respond? Is it because you don't want to get caught up in some bullish? Why would you have something to say that you can't back up or don't feel comfortable repeating? Because you fear retaliation or I spy-ism why does that stop you from saying hey, I received your email, I'll talk with you later about it or some ish like that. SAY SOMETHING! That's all I ask. It's not that hard. If you needed something you'd expect me to respond so why wouldn't you show me the same respect? Just Dumb! Another fact of life I do not understand. Don't respond just when you need something but let the other person know you heard them or something. Geesh!

THE END!

Been There Done That

I've finally done it! I completed my 1st conference presenation/workshop. 90 minutes of PowerPoint, lecture, question and answers...graphs, charts, statistics, and the like. We scored approximately 4 out of 5 with 5 being the highest. I saw more 3's and 4's than I did 4's and 5's. I realize I'm an ameture and I have to grow but I would liked to have been a little bit more on the great side than not. I would like to have been more valuable. If it was a 3 or 4 I don't feel I added any value to the presentation and my audience left without any new material. Conferences are not just time away from the office, but they are an opportunity to grow and develop new ideas and ways of doing things that will make your company better and your clients/customers more successful.
If I could post an attachment for you I would, but I dont see that option on blogger. The good thing is, my past is behind me. Good or bad, I can add it to my resume as conducting a workshop on the effects mental illness plays on our welfare clients and their ability to achieve success in the job field based on the demands and restraints of federal guidelines work first approach.

Don't Be Afraid To Be Bigger Than What You Are

Don’t be afraid to be bigger than what you are. I received this word while listening to my bishop (http://www.josephwalker3.org/ ) on Streaming Faith (http://www.streamingfaith.com/ ).

I have attended this church since 1994. I have heard many sermons from Bishop Walker. They have become all too familiar. However today as in any other day, the word may be the same, but the message always hits me in a different way. I failed to realize this in 2008. I knew it, but had grown tired of the same old song. Listening to today’s message based on scripture reference John 15 about being ready to go the extra mile and lining oneself up with the word caused a familiar revelation.

The scripture talks about being connected to the true vine which is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and purging ourselves from those that mean us no good or only hang around and drag us down. I have seldom “purged” anyone from my life that I felt was of immediate danger, threat, or proved non-beneficial to my life. Unless you count men I’ve dated then there have been plenty. However, I consider that a casualty of war. They come and they go. No big deal. I have wondered nonetheless if I have ever been intentionally “purged” from someone’s life without me actually realizing that’s what was happening.

Sidebar-train of thought derailed-insert different but related subject here >Most people have high school and college friends whom they keep in touch with for a lifetime. They know each other’s friends, family, behaviors, dreams, plans, wishes, and desires. I on the other hand, can’t really say I have kept in touch with friends from the past. I also cannot say that I have developed strong bonded relationships with friends past or present. At least not to what my understanding of what friendship is considered.

In my opinion friends are those that spend quality time together doing all sorts of things together. They are friends because in a lot of ways they are alike, but what keeps them friends is the ways in which they differ. You can’t be friends with yourself alone or how else would you grow. The reason for the difference is to experience something new together. Keep each other out of trouble and push each other to be better than the rest. Do I have friends that encourage me? I would say no. Nor do I have friends that discourage me. I have friends that are simply just “friends.” And what does this mean? I have no idea. What I’m saying is I don’t really feel close to my “friends” and I’m not really sure how they feel about me. Maybe it could be me just be me pms-ing this week. Then again, I don't think so.

Now back to my original intended post. > My career and life expectancies I dream of have been halted in part due to my fear of success. I am afraid that the things I want to do will push me into the open to be scrutinized and perhaps summoned for an even greater work. The craziness is that is what I want. I want to be considered an expert professional in my field. I want to be asked to speak on this or write a critique or article about that. I want to be deeply involved in the community and recognized as a great leader and one who brings the masses together for preventive youth services, disseminating stereotypes, and challenging the mindset of society’s distrust and frustration with at-risk youth. And by the way, I am starting to really hate that word “at-risk” to describe our low income multi-barrier families. I am destined to come up with a new more positive adjective to describe this hardworking energetic and creative group.

Hence the message I received from the word, don’t be afraid to be bigger than what you are. This was not the specific words that came out of the bishop’s mouth, but indeed what the Lord delivered to me as I listened to the same sermon I’ve heard more than a few times. This was a new revelation for me, one that I realized one day during my company’s re-organization orientation. After reviewing the new way of doing things the directors hope was that we would buy into the concept and figure out what action steps we would take to make the workplace a more desirable place to start a career and stay. These are the goals and action steps I came up with that I thought would help progress the agency.

1. Help the people we provide services for be more successful
2. Make sure our clients are satisfied with our services
3. Grow our own skills and capabilities

What specific actions can I take to help meet these goals?

• 
  Dig more in-depth with research and best practices
• 
  Work harder on making the numbers add up in a positive light for the clients more so than for the government
• 
  Produce a more sound and qualitative analysis of client needs, services rendered, and true to life roads to self sufficiency (this can be done during surveys/ focus groups etc)
• 
  Take a SPSS class.
• 
  Improve Excel skills, Leadership development, Practice more on data capture and analysis
• 
  Improve writing skills
• 
  Release the fear of communication
• 
  Build confidence
• 
  Think more on a permanent basis rather than temporal
• 
  Set higher standards for myself by developing a better sense of self
• 
  Writing down my skills and look for ways to improve and add needed skills such as policy analysis, data analysis, data management, organizational management, time management
• 
  Do more to ease the stress of someone else's job by doing my job in the most accurate and efficient way possible
• 
  Make the effort to be on time, friendly, cooperative, involved, and successful. Continue to recognize that my job today is a building block for my next career move.

I have learned a lot about myself in the last year or so. The issue is putting it use and taking my life and existence to new heights.