HELP THE YOUNG HELP THEMSELVES

Working in social service allows you the opportunity to see a lot of scenarios you would not expect to see someone go through in their lifetime. Because I am graduate school educated I think I have all the answers. It is easy to think that if you just did x then y and z would happen. Or if you just did not do x then y and z would not have happened and you would not be in that predicament.

I mentor a young lady who has grown to mean the world to me. I'm not wanting to take her mother's place, but I am wanting to adopt her and raise her as my own. I think she could do so much better than what she's doing. Then again I think that about everyone including myself. In my eyes all the opportunities are there. It's the acceptance of these opportunities that she's not taking advantage of that exhaust me.

I admit I had a very boring childhood. When I graduated high school I was so ready to leave that small town there was not a bus, car, train, or plane that could get me out of there fast enough. I did not have the exposure and comradery my little girl has with her classmates, fashion, entertainment, or even after school activities. So in my eyes being involved in organizations and after school programs was my only way out of the house. Sad to say my only opportunity to dress up and go somewhere was going to church on Sunday. Personally, I think that is why I stay away from the house so much now. I hate to me at home even though I live by myself and can do what I want, I refuse to sit still cooped up in a house doing nothing.

This leads me to not understanding why youth in a metropolitan area so full of opportunity have nothing to show for it except poverty, crime, truancy, in-school suspension, and boredom, not to mention a lack of interest in educational adventure such as learning to cook, sew, rock climb, website design, etc.

I have to continually pull myself back and realize that not everyone is as easily entertained as I am with opportunity to learn something new or grow beyond the present state of boys and music. So, to my little girl and those out there like her full of love for drama, the undaunted necessity to talk back, and an relentless subjection to disobey authority please forgive me for not understanding why my way does not work all the time and I have to beg and plead over and over again to make you see it my way.

I'm only trying to save you from success-less-ness.

He has 4 children by 4 different women

He has 4 children by 4 different women. And I'm looking to be number 5! Why???? I have no idea. Blame it on the laws of stupid attraction. Women are destined to be go-getters and for all the wrong reasons when it comes to men.

I'm stupidly attracted to this beautiful dark chocolate man who oozes so much sex appeal to me. All I have to see is the crook of his smile. No joke! I truly understand what Jill Scott meant in your provative man songs now and the sceen on Tyler perry's Why Did I Ge Married when the camera slowly glides over Troy's mouth mmm mmm mmm! That is so how I feel about this man.

When I wake up in the morning sometime all I see is his smile...visions of his smile in my head. Unfortunately he doesn't spend the night every night. Only once or twice a month.

One morning I woke up and I smiled so hard. It was unbelieveable. That's when I realized I had to love this guy. Why else would I wake up feeling all warm and wonderful just from seeing a vision of his smile and nothing else.

I had to text him that morning and tell him "I'm happy with you. Thoughts of you make me smile." Honey (smh) That man is nice.

The crazy part is, he hasn't done anything special for me. Nothing fancy, we havent even gone out on a date. Well not what we call a typical date. No movies, no dinner, no outing, etc. However I have rode with him to pick up and his son, whom he let me meet for the 1st time. I have also met his family whom he invited me to during a cookout celebration 2 hours away. So, I don't think I should really be complaining. I have been introduced to the family and one of the 4 children. That's suppose to carry a lot of weight...right.

Here I am feigning at work all day long just for an eye spy of this man. I like to look at him. His lips make me want to kiss him all the time. His cheekbones make me smile. His skin complexion makes me melt and his build makes me horny (yeah, u knew that was coming lol).

Another dissociative aspect of him is his strong passion for hood ghetto music and movies. lol! Nothing else will do. He loves it to the core of his being. He does not want to know anything else. He is familiar with regular r&b and what not but there's nothing more meaningful to him than stupid gangsta/ghetto rap and lame hood movies. hahahaha

We must take the good with the bad. Besides, who am I to stand in judgement? A 33 year old virgin with no children, no prospects, and no desire for the like until recently. I'm content but desiring of a worthwhile relationship. Relationships in the past have only been testing grounds for what I do and dont' want. this man is everything I do and don't want and I like it :-)

Things can get a little lonely trying to love a thug, ex-thug, semi-thug, cleaned-up corporate thug. The price we pay with our hearts to have what the flesh wants and the heart thinks it desires and the mind doing nothing about it.

Don't Be Afraid To Be Bigger Than What You Are

Don’t be afraid to be bigger than what you are. I received this word while listening to my bishop (http://www.josephwalker3.org/ ) on Streaming Faith (http://www.streamingfaith.com/ ).

I have attended this church since 1994. I have heard many sermons from Bishop Walker. They have become all too familiar. However today as in any other day, the word may be the same, but the message always hits me in a different way. I failed to realize this in 2008. I knew it, but had grown tired of the same old song. Listening to today’s message based on scripture reference John 15 about being ready to go the extra mile and lining oneself up with the word caused a familiar revelation.

The scripture talks about being connected to the true vine which is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and purging ourselves from those that mean us no good or only hang around and drag us down. I have seldom “purged” anyone from my life that I felt was of immediate danger, threat, or proved non-beneficial to my life. Unless you count men I’ve dated then there have been plenty. However, I consider that a casualty of war. They come and they go. No big deal. I have wondered nonetheless if I have ever been intentionally “purged” from someone’s life without me actually realizing that’s what was happening.

Sidebar-train of thought derailed-insert different but related subject here >Most people have high school and college friends whom they keep in touch with for a lifetime. They know each other’s friends, family, behaviors, dreams, plans, wishes, and desires. I on the other hand, can’t really say I have kept in touch with friends from the past. I also cannot say that I have developed strong bonded relationships with friends past or present. At least not to what my understanding of what friendship is considered.

In my opinion friends are those that spend quality time together doing all sorts of things together. They are friends because in a lot of ways they are alike, but what keeps them friends is the ways in which they differ. You can’t be friends with yourself alone or how else would you grow. The reason for the difference is to experience something new together. Keep each other out of trouble and push each other to be better than the rest. Do I have friends that encourage me? I would say no. Nor do I have friends that discourage me. I have friends that are simply just “friends.” And what does this mean? I have no idea. What I’m saying is I don’t really feel close to my “friends” and I’m not really sure how they feel about me. Maybe it could be me just be me pms-ing this week. Then again, I don't think so.

Now back to my original intended post. > My career and life expectancies I dream of have been halted in part due to my fear of success. I am afraid that the things I want to do will push me into the open to be scrutinized and perhaps summoned for an even greater work. The craziness is that is what I want. I want to be considered an expert professional in my field. I want to be asked to speak on this or write a critique or article about that. I want to be deeply involved in the community and recognized as a great leader and one who brings the masses together for preventive youth services, disseminating stereotypes, and challenging the mindset of society’s distrust and frustration with at-risk youth. And by the way, I am starting to really hate that word “at-risk” to describe our low income multi-barrier families. I am destined to come up with a new more positive adjective to describe this hardworking energetic and creative group.

Hence the message I received from the word, don’t be afraid to be bigger than what you are. This was not the specific words that came out of the bishop’s mouth, but indeed what the Lord delivered to me as I listened to the same sermon I’ve heard more than a few times. This was a new revelation for me, one that I realized one day during my company’s re-organization orientation. After reviewing the new way of doing things the directors hope was that we would buy into the concept and figure out what action steps we would take to make the workplace a more desirable place to start a career and stay. These are the goals and action steps I came up with that I thought would help progress the agency.

1. Help the people we provide services for be more successful
2. Make sure our clients are satisfied with our services
3. Grow our own skills and capabilities

What specific actions can I take to help meet these goals?

• 
  Dig more in-depth with research and best practices
• 
  Work harder on making the numbers add up in a positive light for the clients more so than for the government
• 
  Produce a more sound and qualitative analysis of client needs, services rendered, and true to life roads to self sufficiency (this can be done during surveys/ focus groups etc)
• 
  Take a SPSS class.
• 
  Improve Excel skills, Leadership development, Practice more on data capture and analysis
• 
  Improve writing skills
• 
  Release the fear of communication
• 
  Build confidence
• 
  Think more on a permanent basis rather than temporal
• 
  Set higher standards for myself by developing a better sense of self
• 
  Writing down my skills and look for ways to improve and add needed skills such as policy analysis, data analysis, data management, organizational management, time management
• 
  Do more to ease the stress of someone else's job by doing my job in the most accurate and efficient way possible
• 
  Make the effort to be on time, friendly, cooperative, involved, and successful. Continue to recognize that my job today is a building block for my next career move.

I have learned a lot about myself in the last year or so. The issue is putting it use and taking my life and existence to new heights.

Marriage...DONT DO IT GIRL! unless he's heaven sent

Words from Pastor Jamal Harrison-Bryant:

I often warn women who are contemplating marriage to marry someone who can take care of them. When a woman marries, it ought to be to someone who is capable of taking her to the next level. If she comes from poverty, there is no reason for her to get married and still be impoverished. The role of the man is to take her to another place.

When she gets married, she ought to dress better, drive better, live better, and eat better, not constantly be in a struggle over where her next meal is coming from. My grandmother used to say, 'I can do bad all by myself.

For a woman desiring a mate, the objective, of course, would be to find a Christian man, who's settled, has goals, accomplishments and a job. But a goal-oriented and focused man can't just be approached any kind of way.

So the woman who seeks this type of stability must make sure that he stands out above the crowd:

• Make sure your relationship with the Lord is strong and growing.
• Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, your presentation should be representative of both who you are and whom you seek. Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.
• Have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation.
• And most importantly, allow the Holy Ghost to take control. You don't need to go after him. He's going to come after you, because after he sees and smells you and knows that you're in his presence, he's going to want to know who you are!

I know there's somebody reading this who has been chasing after the 'man of your dreams,' but God says, 'Just sit still and allow patience to have her perfect work through Me. '

Furthermore, it's never a good idea to be too forward and too aggressive. Attempting to win a man's affection by jumping into bed with him will only backfire and cause him to lose interest in ever developing a lasting relationship. It causes him to lose respect for you and question your character.

However, if he sees that you are dressed with quality, that you smell like you are somebody, that you look like you're doing fine without him, then that will attract the right attention from him. He'll have no choice but to give you his attention. Stop looking so needy, climbing into bed, trying in vain to capture a man's heart.God woke me up in the middle of the night and said, 'The same thing that Naomi told Ruth to do is the same thing that I want them to do for me.'

God is so sick of saints coming to Him trying to get a quickie and never romancing Him for Who he is - going to church screaming, shouting and hollering, but hadn't been intimate with God all week long! Stop trying to treat God like a sugar daddy and start romancing Him with worship and praise: 'I'm yours Lord...everything I've got...everything I'm not!'

The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of us foreplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, the mother-in-law tells Ruth, 'You have to wash.' John 15:3 reminds us, Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. When you sit in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear the unadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you've accumulated all week long begins to wash off of you.

Ask God to 'create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit.' Stand in the word. Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength. Pass this on to those who have found or are seeking Mr. Right. This message is not directed at the receiver, it is directed to women I know that touch other young women that can benefit from this information. We are to be Naomi's of the world today. Our young women need to be informed of how to catch and keep a man that will respect .

" If he can't meet you where you are....leave him where he's at "

'Every Saint Has a Past, Every Sinner Has A Future'

BE REAL! HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

Emotional Cutoff: Self-Evaluation

So, as a Social Worker I am bound by a strong code of ethics and values, as any awesome professional should be naturally. In reviewing my organizationally mandated Standards of Service, Social Justice, Dignity and Worth of Person, Importance of Human Relationships, Integrity, and Competence, it dawned on me that I have my own set of issues that I so greatly would like to resolve. This is not the first time I have come to this conclusion. While matriculating through UT’s college of Social Work program one of my wonderful professors or instructors (because they could have simply been an adjunct, I can’t remember) enlightened the class with the notion that what we so greatly give emotionally to others is exactly what we are in need of and seek for ourselves.
For instance, it brings me so much great joy and sense of fulfillment and worthiness to help people reach their next level. I LOVE being able to connect people or provide free assistance to get people to whatever it is they consider their dream goal, meaning, or mission in life. I love helping people find jobs. That is the ultimate pleasure, especially if that job leads to an even better job and steps toward the prize plateau. I enjoy connecting people to get a job done or get connections to get their foot in the door. This is what I so greatly enjoy. It truly fills my heart.
Hence part of my discovery on why I like doing this is because I enjoy making people happy. I enjoy seeing others succeed and fulfill a dream. The other part has to do with me wanting the same thing. I have never had a mentor, guidance, direction, someone to talk to and give me advice. I have longed for this connection all my life. It seems no one knows the answer, has time, or is willing to help. Everybody wants their own questions answered. They’re not interested in seeing what’s really going on in my world. They would rather maintain their self-derived conclusions of me or simply they are not interested or in large part self-absorbed.
Therefore I have unconscientiously taken it upon myself to be that one person who wants to have all the answers and be the go-to-person for straight forward advice, connections, directions, and a hand up even if it means stepping on my shoulders.
There is a deeper more pressing issue here dealing with the concept of emotionally cutting yourself off from what affects you negatively causing damage to impending relationships and stagnating possibilities of future relationships, socialization, and career growth; based on Murray Bowen’s theory of how the make-up, interaction, and connection within family systems affect an individual’s ability to socialize, communicate, and deal with life situations.
I do have a great sob story and am aware of what needs to be done to remedy this situation and possibly open more doors for me. However, I’m not really ready to deal with them right now simply because the last time I tried to deal with them the receiving party took the conversation completely out of context and hasn’t proved to be a great listener in any aspect thus cultivating my self-medication of total disconnection from any facet of care, concern, or emotional involvement i.e. my nonchalant attitude, wall of protection around my heart and feelings, and the apt ability to self-destruct when someone gets too close. I am present, I visit, I’m involved, but I have chosen to shut down that area of my life as if it didn’t matter. Until I read Bowen’s Theory regarding “Emotional Cutoff” I had no idea that’s what I had done and how this severely affects my entire life in every aspect.
Based on Bowen’s concept, “People reduce the tensions of family interaction by cutting off, but risk making their new relationships too important.” So in summation, my relationships: boyfriends, friend girls, social acquaintances, work interactions, etc all fail simply because I expect too much from them - have made them too important – because I cut myself off emotionally from my family and have never voiced my disappointment, feelings, dilemmas, etc. I basically live with the questions, defeat, ignorance, confusion, and pain because dealing with the core issue would open wounds or cause wounds that were never there because no one knew how I felt.
Knowing what I know now about why I am the way I am opens a door and gives me a way out but at the cost, in my opinion, of upsetting those involved. I’d rather just keep it to myself. Better to self-medicate and cover up than ruffle feathers. Maybe I’ll open up one day and lift this heavy burden but not today. Why burden someone else when you can just redirect that energy into helping people? Someone will come along one day to rescue me. Maybe it’ll be me.