So this is the revelation I received this morning.

I need to live below my means. LOL I know. Duh, right? However its so depressing living below your means. For example if I make 40,000 I should really be living on 30,000. Why? Because:

1) if I'm really making 40,000 a year, I'm only actually bring home about 30,000 after taxes. its the net not the gross that you have free to spend.

2) uncle Sam thinks anyone without children or a spouse make too much and should pay more taxes than everyone else. So whether I claim 0 and pay the piper all year and look for my big break in April or if I cheat a little during the year, claim 1 and pay at the end, Sam still gets his cut either way.

3) I want to leave an inheritance for my nieces and nephews. Instead of leaving debt, I want to leave a trust and let them live off the fat of the land. Teach them how to manage money at an early age, develop business skills, and encourage them to look beyond their immediate pockets and into the future bank rolls they could hold, companies they could own, land, and royalties earned without working. I saw a show called "The fabulous life of young hot Royalty". There's a family in Germany who is simply rich just because their ancestors were postal workers.

Take 22-year-old Prince Albert Von Thurn Und Taxis. He's heir to a powerful German Dynasty credited with modernizing what we know of as today's postal system. When he turned 18 he inherited one of Europe's largest fortunes and is now worth $2 billion dollars-- making him the youngest billionaire in the world. Oh and the massive 500 room German palace he grew up in? That belongs to him too.

So I'm thinking, I'm not going to invent anything anytime soon so how can I work on leaving an inheritance and not an inherited debt. I must first get out of debt and live below my means so that I can store up funds to buy land, real estate, and start a business. Then I can work on my plan for inheritance building.

4) by watching and hearing various stories of white people, people from India, Mexicans, etc Black people are the only people who do not help one another, who spend more than they make, who buy to impress their neighbors and friends while stockpiling bills, who buy a car they cannot afford while living in an apartment more lavish than the house they should be buying, etc. Because we are so depressed from living on the bottom, being born on the bottom, starting out on the bottom, that when we see light, get a good job, find a piece of money, the first thing we do is spend it and worry about the bills later. I have been spending every penny to the max, not leaving room for mishaps, uncontrolled circumstances, no money in the bank at the end of the month, stretching dollars until they break and cant be sown back together. Living on your own, being independent does not mean asking mom, dad, and uncle for handouts every time I get in a jam. I do not believe it is the White man keeping us down. I believe their are enough intelligent black people to start their own business, hire and fire people, produce a good product, provide quality service, and be prosperous beyond the status quo diddy understands this and he has no talent whatsoever, but he has made his ability to bs and hustle his cash cow. J understands this and so does T.I. and 50 cent. They all came from nothing, out the hood, did their dirt, and saw a way to turn that dirt making ability into an empire. I know this is a far stretch and they are talented rappers but they have other business ventures that are working for them making money when they are doing nothing. How dumb can that be? Not that celebrity success is the basis of my whole philosophy but it has its place.

5) I am tired of living pitiful enjoying a little now and trying to figure out the rest later.

There's more to my ah ha moment but i'm tired of typing, i know you're tired of reading, and I'm distracted anyway LOL my attention has moved on to something else. But I thought I'd share in my revelation which I prayed for when asking God what I should do about my apartment situation. And believe it or not, he actually gave me an answer LOL !


**this was written may 27, 2010 hanging out in my drafts so i figured i'd finally post it.**

My Ex Got Married

So, no matter how I try not to think about it or harbor ill feelings, i continue to find it impossible not to have so many questions. Well the fact is, i wouldnt have so many questions had he not ignored my email when all i simply did was wish him many blessings for a happy marriage. What in the world is so wrong with that? To catch you up, here's the story:
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So my ex got marrried. We dated from Feb 08 - May 08. Not long at all, which truthfully is the case for most of my relationships. He got married September 08 I guess. Not really sure, but that's when I found out. Now prior to September we were still on speaking terms, verbally, text, and email. Nothing big not even regularly. He said it out of his own mouth that we were cool, friends. There was no need for us not to speak. Cool. I definitely had no problem with that as I am "cool" with all of my ex-victims :-) except one and that's because he put his hands on me. Anyway, being that we are cool, and it is so fresh, why wouldnt he tell me that he was getting married or had gotten engaged or whatever. I've had "friends" well a "friend" since our break up and that's nothing to tell, but something as major as marriage only 4 months after a break up is what I would call serious.
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Okay so say he didnt tell me about the engagment or marriage. No big deal. It is what it is. My problem at this moment is why would he Not respond with at least a Thank You when I wish him a congratulations. I got nothing. nothing. nothing. nothing.
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What am I missing here? Did i do something wrong? Am I out of line for expecting a little courtesy? Well maybe so because the fellow has no idea what respect means. Which might I add was a major cause for our break up. At least from my perspective, among other things.
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So, I had a long drawn out 2-pager that I wrote yesterday and was going to post, but I'm not at that mindset now. This is where I am. The 2-pager was a timeline of events but what i've said here is the jist of what I wanted to say. Yesterday my initial feelings were shock, confusion, justification (during the latter part of the relationship I suspected he was cheating or had another life he was hiding), hurt, anxious, and cautious. I had and still have no idea how I am suppose to feel.
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What I would like to happen, I would like a Thank You first of all. Then I would like an explaination of why I was kept in the dark when it was going to come to light anyway. I'm just floored basically. I have no idea what to think or how to feel. Guess I'll chalk it up with every other mystery I've encountered over the years. For instance, why do guys want girls to be stupid and take whatever they dish out yet and have the audicity to be treated better than they treat you? lol
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That my friends will always be a mystery.
I'm glad I got this off my chest. It was giving me acid reflux and a headache.