Haven’t talked to God in a long time, wonder what he’s thinking of me. Wonder does he miss me or has he noticed me just meandering along in life doing nothing spectacular working towards nothing in particular. Wonder does he care or if I’m doing as I should be anyway. Wonder if he has a purpose for me anymore, one more specific than just being and being lost. Wonder if he stopped trying with me when I gave up and moved my roommate in. Wonder was he really upset with that, expected it, or thought nothing of it at all. Wonder what he’s thinking of me now. Wonder what he has planned for me or am I just to exist for the sake of existing for others. For others to have a step ladder, a leg up, a handle on the situation, a mediocre side piece.
It’s not like I haven’t tried, haven’t thought about talking to Him. I just really don’t know what to say. I’m tired of asking for the same thing. I’m tired of saying the same thing. I’m tired with all the accolades and no response. I’m just tired of tired.
This doesn't mean I don’t have faith. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe. It doesn’t mean I’m a blockhead. It just means I’m empty, confused, indifferent, lost. How do it be that I’m here going about my daily life with no real aim or purpose but I keep pushing without knowing what?
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