TiReD

I'm soooo tired. 

FIST FULL OF TEARS

Sometimes the thing you want the most is not the best thing for you. Let that thing go. Cry about it. Blog about it. Pray about it. Move on. What's not good for you will not work out for you. God orders your steps. You disorder your steps. Only God can lead the dance. Everyone else misses the beats.

Spare yourself the time and energy. Do it right the first time around. Right isn't always easy to do, but its worth it.

Don't cry over spilled milk. It's spilt for a reason.

FOLLOW THE EXIT SIGN

He has for kids by 4 different women. I have to keep telling myself that. 

Be grateful for your exit!

He has for kids by 4 different women. I have to keep telling myself that. 

Be grateful for your exit!

He has for kids by 4 different women. I have to keep telling myself that. 

Be grateful for your exit!

He has for kids by 4 different women. I have to keep telling myself that. 

Be grateful for your exit!

He has for kids by 4 different women. I have to keep telling myself that. 

Be grateful for your exit!

 

Unrequited Love! Be grateful for the EXIT!

BE GRATEFUL FOR THE EXIT!

TAKE THE EXIT!

TAKE THE EXIT!

Finally! A job I can call a CAREER!

This work is exhausting but I'm finally doing something in my field using my education.  Now I know what other's meant when they would say they are drained from work and need to sleep all day.  This is the first job I have ever had where the work was mentally draining and I actually feel like I'm using my brain and 'working'.  I'm not complaining just saying I finally have a foundation to build on. 

No Time For Love

Sometimes love hurts and at 33 I don't feel I should still have to endure this trauma.  If a grown man tells you he loves you then he should mean it and show you how much he loves you.  If a grown man has issues or situations they are dealing with then he should have the maturity to see that it is not time for him to be in a relationship.  Things aren't always going to work out when you are ready for them and you are not always going to be ready for them when they are ready for you.  Timing is a sophisticated element that can only be conquered with timing itself.  The challenge for individuals is to persuade those elements, timing and timing, to work for you and not against you.

 

In the case of relationships going north or south, timing is the culmination of preparedness and knowing the level of preparedness needed.  There is something inside that urges you to make things work and match up whatever time you think is best.  However there are those urges that you ignore because your heart has a time frame all its own.   This is where the confusion and frustration comes into play.  Being ready naturally and being ready in her heart are two totally different sequences.  Naturally you don't have to think about being ready for a relationship.  Great things just happen and fall into place.  Being ready in your heart is an emotional roller coaster sabotaged by your mind's idea of this is the one, I'm ready. 

 

Aligning the two is what births harmony and long-term happiness.  If you're not feeling mutual harmony and happiness within your relationship then your timing is off and you need to step back, comfort yourself, and deal with the issues.  Dragging someone along until you realign yourself is unfair, unhealthy, and unproductive. 

 

Love is a natural process not something you force or compromise.  There are compromises in relationships but not in love.  Love is uncompromising and unconditional. Love takes center stage and never leaves you wanting more.  It fulfills the soul giving overflow so that you have plenty left over to share with others. 

 

Relationships take time and timing takes patience.  Be patient in your loving and time will be on your side.          

It's a bust!

Joel back on the bottom rung of the relationship ladder.  He left for orlando today and wasnt even trying to spend time or even tell me he was going or when he was leaving.  he mentioned it last week but it spoke as if it was still up in the air.  he claimed he was trying to spend time with his little girl cuz he spend so much time with his sons. he felt like he needed to give her some time.  her mom was tripping.  more like her mom's husband was trippin.  so needless to say he did not take the little girl. 

 

i never heard anything else about it.  so i didnt know he was still going.  i have not seen or talked to him since last week when he picked me up from the air port. Sunday.  we were suppose to hang out Tuesday.  i call and he says he has his son.  did he say anything to me before that?  no, but what he does say is his brother picked him up. so i'm still not knowing he going to orlando.  he said his son was going to be wit him til Friday.  i'm like cool. he wants to spend time with dad before school starts.

 

20 minutes later i get a text: next Friday.  so i'm like okay so he wit you a full week. whatever.  i know he has all these children but they are of age where they are fine at home plus yum yum lives with his older brother so someone's there.  its about 6 or 7 and he never says anything about us kicking it. 

 

almost 10:00 i get a text: you can come through.  What the hail?? so i tell him naw its too late. i'm pissy because he didnt say anything of the sort earlier and he didnt say anything when he told me he had his son and he never said that he had his son earlier that day. 

 

i was originally thinking his brother just went and got the child just because.  i dont know how they do things.  the trip is like 2 hours away and sometimes the mom meets them half way so its not bad.  anyway...

 

my point is he made no effort what so ever to spend time or tell me he was going to florida and when etc.

 

he is a terrible communicator and nothing has changed from all those other times we called ourselves talking. and the crazy thing is he said that he has never changed.  that little talk we had with him trying to get back with me, he now says he said nothing different from what he's been saying the entire time he's known me. 

 

i'm not even in-love anymore.  i'm no longer smitten.  i feel like i'm trying to force something now.  i kinda felt that way before, but now the excitement i had is not there. 

 

i'm really fed up with trying with this guy. 

 

his ring tone on my phone is "jerk" by new boyz.  lol and i changed his name to "not the 1".

X's and O's

My heart is with someone else, but I'm physically halfway here with you.  How does that tune play out in your head?  I'm not even totally here with you because you're not really here. I know, it's weird but it makes complete sense to me.  You can't be with the one you love so you're with the one who accepts you only he's not fully with you either.  His heart isn't with you but his desire is.  How does that work?  Well, no one wants to be alone yet no one wants to be together so we sorta share irresponsibility of being apart together but not really.

 

Solution: PX90 :-) Do something for yourself and take your mind off someone else.  Focus on you! Ck for pics August 1! And so the story begins...